


Pride

by confundedgryffindor



Series: Pride [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Bisexual James Potter, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Fluff and Angst, French Sirius Black, Gay Sirius Black, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Indian James Potter, M/M, Other, Recreational Drug Use, Trans Lily Evans, aka remus is kind of a stoner, i don’t really know where this will go tbh, seriously some chapters can be triggering so look out for the warnings in the chapter notes, sirius smokes alot but it just be like that i don't make the rules okay, some good ol texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-11-04 08:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17894936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor
Summary: Sirius had been to plenty of pride parades. Ever since he was five years old, he’d stood next to his parents as they yelled insults and bible verses at the people walking past. He stood there, uncomfortable, forced to hold a sign with words he couldn’t even understand. He didn’t like it at all but he never questioned it, he just stood there uncomfortable, wishing he could’ve stayed at James’.This time, however, he wasn't standing next to his parents.In which Sirius and Remus meet at a Pride parade-this is very gay and very angsty but,, have you ever read any of my works??? it just works that way.





	1. The Parade

**Author's Note:**

> okay i haven't planned out how many chapters this fic will have yet, so we'll just wait and see where it takes us, amirite
> 
> this story does contain implied child abuse, there's nothing graphic but it's still there, so please just take care of yourselves
> 
> huge thank you to @ashes_and_ashes for reading this through and helping me with some editing!

Sirius had been to plenty of pride parades. Ever since he was five years old, he’d stood next to his parents as they yelled insults and bible verses at the people walking past. He stood there, uncomfortable, forced to hold a sign with words he couldn’t even understand. He didn’t like it at all but he never questioned it, he just stood there uncomfortable, wishing he could’ve stayed at James’.

-

This time however, he wasn't standing next to his parents. He stood on the curb, a cigarette in hand and tears rolling down his cheeks as he watched people walking past, singing and yelling and waving their flags, a train of blurred colours and glitter passing by. They were happy, and proud. Something Sirius couldn’t be.

“You’re only sixteen,” Lily had said as both she and James hugged him and Peter patted his shoulder. “There will be a time when you’ll be able to walk with us without fear,”

But Sirius knew that it wasn’t true. Because his parents and their _acquaintances_ were standing just down the street with their signs, yelling their insults, while Sirius was standing all dressed in black, wearing sunglasses and a hoodie so he wouldn’t be recognised, crying his eyes out because he could never be proud and happy.

James, Lily and Peter had walked past several minutes ago, James with the bisexual flag painted on his cheeks, holding hands with Lily, who had her large trans flag tied around her neck like a cape and Peter walking behind them, awkwardly waving an asexual pride flag. That was when Sirius started crying, and he still hadn’t stopped. He should be happy for his best friends, because they had found happiness and acceptance. And Lily, oh sweet Lily, who’d been through some downright shit since she came out two years ago. Her parents accepted her right away, but her sister thought she was unnatural, a freak, and her best friend had left her after yelling nasty slurs at her at school where everyone could hear. Yet Lily had found happiness and marched in the parade with such pride and confidence.

Sirius was pulled out of his self pitying when a tall boy walked up to him. He was beautiful, with tawny curls that sparkled with loose rainbow glitter and soft, green eyes. He had his right nose wing pierced and wore a bisexual pride flag like a cape, just as Lily had done.

“Hey, you got a square?” the boy asked and pointed at Sirius’ cigarette that had burned down to the filter. Sirius dropped the cigarette and sniffled a couple of times.

“Yeah, somewhere,” he said, his voice hoarse and thick from crying. He dug through his hoodie pocket and dug out a battered packet of Lucky Strikes. The boy pulled a face.

“Lucky Strikes? Really?” Sirius wiped his face with his forearm and shrugged.

“They’re cheap. Better than Pall Mall, anyways,” he handed the boy a cigarette.

“That’s true,” the boy said and lit the cigarette. Sirius nodded, unsure of what to say next.

“So, is there a reason that you’re standing here on such a bright and happy day, wearing all black and crying?” the boy asked. Sirius bit his lip and sat down on the ground.

“Nothing I can tell you without crying again,” the boy sat down next to Sirius and took a drag from his cigarette.

“Cry on my shoulder then, I reckon Tonks found her girlfriend and forgot about me anyways.”

“I don’t even know your name,” Sirius argued and lit a new cigarette.

“Alright then. My name is Remus, I’m seventeen but people think I’m like twenty five because I’m a fucking giant. Sadly enough I don’t have a fun sob story because my parents were really accepting, but I was attacked by a wolf when I was five so now I have a pretty much mangled leg,” he had a nice voice, Sirius thought. Deep and hoarse but smooth at the same time, with a welsh accent.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but decided to take a drag from his cigarette instead. He wanted to explain why he was crying, but every time he opened his mouth the words got stuck in his throat.

“I-I… I can’t tell you what’s going on,” he said, eventually. Remus draped his arm around Sirius’ shoulder, clearly not noticing how Sirius flinched. “My name’s Sirius, and I’m sixteen, but that’s about it,” He swallowed hard. He wanted to explain, but he couldn’t. Not to a stranger.

“It’s alright,” Remus smiled around his cigarette, which had almost burned down to the filter.

They sat in complete silence after that, Sirius sniffling every so often, lightning cigarette after cigarette, sometimes giving one to Remus. Remus didn’t seem to mind sitting next to a stranger who kept glancing over his shoulder. Because that was exactly what Sirius did, he looked around, terrified that his mother had decided that they should leave early and see Sirius sitting next to a boy. For a split second, he could’ve sworn that he saw Regulus, but then he was gone.

 

The parade started to die down a little, which meant that his parents would be home soon. Sirius stubbed out his last cigarette and rose to his feet.

“I need to go, but you can have my number, if you want,” Sirius brushed a strand of hair away from his face. “To share those sob stories,”

Remus smiled and handed his phone over to Sirius. The screen was cracked and a piece of glass had fallen off, exposing metal and wires. Sirius put his number in and left with a quick, “I’ll see you some other time”.

 

Sirius kept his gaze firmly on the ground as he walked home, fast. He wished that he’d taken his stupid old skateboard so he could have gotten home faster, and he ended up breaking into a run just so he could get home first.

Ten minutes later, Sirius was stood in the hallway of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He braced himself against the wall and panted heavily. He almost felt like throwing up. Jesus, he was definitely not a good runner. He ran his hands over his face and took his shoes off and then ran up to his room.

Sirius plopped down on his bed and started his miscellaneous playlist - which he’d (very maturely) named James’ nutsack. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the loud creaks in the floorboards that could be heard over the music.

He was feeling incredibly melancholy and didn’t feel like getting out of bed again. He took his contacts out and just threw them on the floor, which was gross and he would hate himself for it when they dried up, but he couldn’t be bothered right now. He sighed heavily and turned to his side so he was facing the wall. Maybe it was stupid to be this depressed because of such a small thing, except it wasn’t small or stupid. It was Sirius’ entire life, his present and future. If he came out he would either be kicked out or killed. Or both. But if he stayed closeted he would be forced to marry some half pretty bird and ‘produce an heir’ or whatever, and that almost sounded worse than death.

There was a knock on his bedroom door, and Sirius merely grunted before he heard it swing open.

“Hey,” it was Regulus. Sirius bit back a groan and buried his face in his pillow, he wasn’t in the mood for conversation.

“Bugger off, dickwad,” Sirius mumbled, muffled by the pillow. Regulus sighed and closed the door behind him.

“‘Reyougay?” Regulus breathed out so fast that Sirius didn’t catch it.

“What?” Sirius almost considered sitting up and facing Regulus. Almost.

Regulus took a deep breath. “Are you gay?” His voice was hushed and still fast, and this time Sirius sat upright.

“What? No, of course not,” Sirius said, perhaps a little too fast.

“I saw you at the parade, but you weren’t with us. You were sitting with a boy, don’t deny it,” Sirius’ throat constricted and he ducked his head.

“You can’t tell anyone, Reg. Please,” Regulus bit his lip and Sirius let out a shuddering breath. “They would kill me, Regulus, _please_."

“It’s wrong, though, isn’t it? _Maman_ says so,” Sirius almost leapt off the bed and punched him, but he wasn’t wearing his glasses so it would be a terribly aimed punch, so instead he let out a long, suffering groan.

“* _You’re fourteen, Reg, don’t you have a mind of your fucking own? Or do you listen to everything those arseholes say?_ ” Sirius hissed. Regulus scowled at him before stamping out of Sirius’ room and slamming the door behind him.

Sirius would’ve loved to stay in bed, to sleep and hope that Regulus wouldn’t tell their parents. But instead he jumped out of bed and started packing a bag. He crammed as much clothes as he could fit into his backpack, as well as his box of contact lenses and his laptop, and then he stuffed it into his closet and waited for the storm that was coming.

***

Remus was sitting in Tonks’ bedroom, Fleur was in the bathroom, trying to wash away the all glitter. Both Tonks and Remus gave up on that and just accepted the fact that they would have glitter everywhere for the rest of their lives.

Tonks’ bedroom was nice. It was larger than Remus’, but it was so messy that it felt smaller. Her bed was pushed against the wall, her desk standing next to it, facing the window. She had her own bathroom as well, which Remus thought was way too fancy and pretentious, but he wasn’t exactly complaining. She had a bookshelf which held exactly three books and too much litter. She’d strung up fairy lights all over her walls, which gave the room a soft blue glow.

Remus had pushed aside all of her clothes and papers which were strewn around the room, and he was now sitting in a little well on the floor.

“I met this bloke at the parade earlier, after you ran off,” he said as Tonks changed into her pyjama pants. “He was crying and shit, it was kinda awkward. But I got his number,”

“Was he cute?” Tonks asked and flopped back down on her bed. Remus shrugged.

“He was wearing sunglasses and had his hood up so I couldn’t exactly tell,” Tonks hummed. “He was short-,”

“Everyone is short compared to you, Re. You’re 6-fucking-3,” Tonks interrupted.

“ _Anyways_ ,” he continued. “He was short and had a slight French accent, like your dear girlfriend,”

Fleur stepped out of the bathroom as soon as he said that, she a towel wrapped around her hair. Remus never understood how people did that.

“We are never using glitter, ever again,” she said and flopped down next to Tonks, who laughed again. They shared a kiss and Remus made a gagging noise. Fleur glared at him, but Tonks just grinned.

“Don’t worry dear, you’ll find love one day too,” she said. “You can text that mystery bloke, perhaps he’s the love of your life,”

“Doubt it,” Remus muttered, but he pulled out his phone nonetheless.

 **Remus, (18:46):** hey it’s remus from the parade.

****

He didn’t get a reply until much later, when he was laying in his own bed, watching some random cooking show on YouTube.

 **Sirius, (23:34):** Hey, hope I didn’t rain on your parade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this line was suppused to be in french but my lazy arse couldn't be bothered with translating
> 
> you can check out my tumblr: @confunded-gryffindor
> 
> reviews are love!! <3


	2. The Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some angst for y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions/vague descriptions of violence, but nothing graphic. read with care.
> 
> as usual; huge thanks to @ashes_and_ashes for reading this through
> 
> also!!! thank you all so much for all the feedback i got on the first chapter, it made me really happy bois

James wasn’t surprised when Sirius turned up on his doorstep less than two hours after the parade, bruised and bloody, clutching his ribs with a slightly crooked arm and equally crooked glasses which where slightly bloody as well. He was angry, worried and sad, yes, but he wasn’t surprised.

Sirius had a black eye that almost shut his right eye completely and his left eyebrow was cut, leaving a trail of blood from the cut down to his chin, he had a ring of bruises around his neck as if someone had tried to strangle him. James felt a surge of anger when he saw him, not angry at Sirius, but at his parents and brother who did this to him.

“What the fuck happened to you?” James exclaimed. He still had the bisexual pride flag painted on his cheeks, though a little smudged, and he had a few specks of glitter in his hair.

“Take a wild fucking guess,” Sirius almost wheezed out and stepped inside James’ house. He dumped his bag on the floor with a groan. “Effie home?”

“No, they’re both at the café, why?” James ran his hand through his curls, causing a few specks of glitter to rain down on the floor.

“D’you have your car? I think my wrist is broken,” Sirius gritted his teeth and tried to move his fingers. He gasped and a tear rolled down his cheek. “Merde! Yeah, no, it’s definitely broken,”

“Jesus fucking christ,” James breathed and he grabbed his car keys. “I’m taking you to the hospital and you can make up whatever story you want, but you’re going to tell me what happened, because I’m not in the mood for some cryptic ‘Oh it’s nothing, Prongsie’, got it?”

Sirius nodded and wiped away the tear and accidentally smudged out the blood on his face, which he then proceeded to wipe off on his shirt.

James had to buckle Sirius’ seatbelt for him, and it made him feel like a dad. Like a full on ‘I have a cranky toddler who’s begging to sit in the front seat’-dad. Though Sirius wasn’t cranky because he didn’t have sweets or because he wasn’t allowed in the front seat, he was in actual pain, and let out curses in french every so often.

They didn’t talk during the ride to the hospital, Sirius just stared out of the window, watching the sun that was beginning to set in the horizon. James stared right ahead at the road, slamming the breaks slightly too aggressively when they reached a stop light.

Countless of scenarios where taking place in his head about what happened to Sirius. Was it just another ‘Let’s beat our son up’ day, or had something actually happened? Had they seen Sirius at the parade? Did someone out him?

The thoughts didn’t stop in the Emergency Room either. Sirius was chewing at his bottom lip, clearly trying to come up with some believable excuse to why he was bruised and bloody, nursing a broken wrist. But all James could think about was the actual story was.

“Do you think they’ll believe me if I tell them that I fell off my skateboard?” Sirius asked after a while. James looked at him in disbelief.

“You haven’t gone skateboarding in like two years,” he pointed out.

“But they don’t know that, do they?” Sirius snapped.

***

They didn’t leave the hospital until several hours later, and Sirius’ right arm was now in a cast and he had a few stripes of surgical tape holding his split eyebrow together. He had managed to bullshit his way through what happened by telling the doctor that he simply fell off his skateboard, but he didn’t talk to James until they were in car back home.

“Care to tell me what happened now?” James said as he started driving.

“Regulus saw me at the parade and told my parents,” Sirius was staring out of the window again. He watched the yellow street lights that flickered by, breathing as evenly as he could. “They threw me out, quite literally,”

James’ grip tightened around the steering wheel, his usually brown knuckles turning white.

“I packed a bag before anything happened, they beat the shit out of me and gave me one minute to grab my shit and leave. Father grabbed me around the throat and actually like…” Sirius mimicked throwing something. “Yeeted me out on the street,”

It was a serious moment, but James couldn’t help a snort of laughter escaping. “Every time you use internet slang in that posh voice of yours, I actually think I’ll have a stroke,”

Sirius huffed out a laugh and winced. He sank further into the seat and closed his eyes. He had a faint twisted and bitter smile on his lips. “I don’t know where to go or what to do, Prongs,”

“You’re staying with us, of course,” James declared. Sirius shook his head.

“I can’t just barge in and live with you,” he mumbled. “I’ll call Alphard tomorrow, I reckon I can stay with him ‘til he kicks it,”

“Bullshit,” James said. “You practically live with us already, we’ll talk to mum and dad when we get home,” He looked over at Sirius, who still looked like has in pain. He looked tired too, as if he was going to fall asleep at any moment. “We’ll fix this, I promise,”

 

Euphemia was standing in the hallway with her arms crossed over her chest and her face set in a glare. James walked in first and almost backed up into Sirius, who was limping behind him.

Euphemia was usually sweet and warm, but she could be very intimidating when she wanted to be. She was taller than Sirius by an inch or two, with black hair with a few specks of grey in it that usually flowed down past her shoulders, but it was tied up in a bun at the moment. Her skin was a warm brown, a little darker than James’.

“Where have you been?” she demanded, clearly not noticing Sirius who had stopped dead in his tracks behind James. She still had a slight Indian accent, which Sirius found very comforting. “No call, no text, no note, car gone! We thought you had been beaten up or killed! I told you those parades were dangerous, James-“

“I had to take Sirius to the hospital,” James interrupted. He kicked off his shoes and stepped out of the way to reveal Sirius, who still stood frozen on the porch. Euphemia’s face softened when she saw him, though still frowning. Sirius ducked his head and bit his lip.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I can leave,” Euphemia shook her head.

“Nonsense!” she exclaimed and ushered Sirius inside. “What happened? Was it those protesters?”

“Kind of?” Sirius shrugged. James sighed and ran his hands through his hair, causing yet another rain of glitter to cascade down on his shoulders and on the floor.

“He got kicked out, mum,”

Sirius ducked his head again and bit the inside of his cheek. Euphemia actually gasped and stepped closer to Sirius. She carefully lifted his head and examined his black eye and crooked glasses, frowning. Sirius tried to avoid her gaze, still biting his cheek.

“Did your parents do this?” she asked softly. Sirius almost responded with something snarky, because that was obvious, wasn’t it? But instead he just nodded. Euphemia didn’t say anything as she enveloped Sirius in a hug. Sirius wanted to flinch away, but he let her hug him. Tears stung in his eyes as he hugged back, his good hand was gripping her sweater so hard that he thought that it was going to rip.

“It’s late,” Euphemia said softly. “Let’s get you to bed,”

James grabbed Sirius’ backpack which was still on the floor where he’d dumped it earlier, and the three of them made their way up the stairs.

Sirius got the guest room, where he usually stayed when he had enough of his parents, though he supposed it was permanent this time. It was smaller than the other rooms, but that wasn’t saying much because all rooms in the Potter’s house were large. The guest room was sparsely decorated, with white walls, a bed and bedside table, and a wardrobe, all in dark wood. The walls were blank, but the window had bright and colourful hangings.

Sirius stood in the doorway as James and Euphemia made the bed. They had a conversation in Hindi, which Sirius would’ve loved to eavesdrop on if he could understand them. When they were done, Euphemia hugged him again and left Sirius and James alone.

“Can I really stay here?” Sirius asked. “Because I can leave,”

James just hugged him, a little harder that Euphemia had done. He graced the bruises that were littered over Sirius’ ribs and he let out a yelp that James ignored, he just moved his arm a little.

“Of course you can stay,” he replied. “You can come over to my room later if you need to,” He patted Sirius on the back and left.

Sirius took his glasses off and changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants with much difficulty and sat down on the bed, and for the first time since he was in his own bedroom, he pulled out his phone. He had gotten too many snaps, a few texts from Euphemia and Fleamont, both asking if he was with James, and a few miscellaneous notifications from YouTube and Twitter. And a text from an unknown number.

 **Unknown, (18:46)** : hey it’s remus from the parade

 **Sirius, (23:34):** Hey, I hope I didn’t rain on your parade

 **Remus, (23:35):** lmao it’s fine

 **Sirius, (23:35):** I sure hope so, I gave you half of my cigarettes

 **Remus, (23:37):** sorry? i mean you gave me most of them, i only asked for one

 **Sirius, (23:37):** Fair enough

 **Sirius, (23:40):** So you were attacked by a wolf?

 **Remus, (23:40):** oh yeah, it was the worst experience in my life and now i’m terrified of dogs

 **Sirius, (23:40):** Valid

 **Remus, (23:41):** this might be weird but are you french? i thought i heard an accent when we talked earlier

 **Sirius, (23:42):** Oh yeah. My mum and dad barely spoke English at home, my accent was way worse when I was younger

 **Remus, (23:42):** cool. i dunno if you noticed but i’m welsh

 **Sirius, (23:43):** Yeah, that’s pretty cool too

 **Remus, (23:45):** do you want to share your sob story now?

 **Remus, (23:45):** or maybe over coffee some day?

 **Sirius, (23:45):** ...That was very smooth

 **Sirius, (23:46):** But I’ve had a long day so I’m gonna go to bed now, but I’d love to share that sad sob story over coffee some day

 **Remus, (23:47):** sweet dreams :)

 

Sirius tried to lay down, but everything just hurt to much. He sighed heavily and rose to his feet. He stood by the bed for a few seconds before padding over to James’ room.

He knocked before opening, but didn’t go inside. James was on his phone but he looked up at Sirius.

”Everything hurts and I don’t want to be alone,” James stood up.

”That sounds like a great song,” he said with a smile. “Go sit down, I’ll get you a pain killer,”

Sirius nodded and sat down on James’ bed, he crossed his legs and studied his cast. He was definitely going to write some stupid shit on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr, @confunded-gryffindor , say hi!
> 
> reviews are love
> 
> thank you for reading!


	3. The Glow In The Dark Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually hate this chapter but hey here's some angst. the next chapter will be the date i think
> 
> huge thank you to ash as always!
> 
> TW: panic attacks

Sirius barely left the guest room, which was his room now, though it didn’t feel like it. The walls were still blank and it felt too large. The few articles of clothing that he’d managed to cram into his backpack were all on the floor, the room felt smaller that way.

Euphemia had tried to get him out, but he kindly declined every time, saying that he was in pain or tired. He was convinced that she didn’t believe him, but she went along with it all the same.

Sighing, he looked up at the blank ceiling. The curtains were drawn and the room was dark, save for his laptop that stood on the bedside table, playing some YouTube video just to give the room some light. He couldn’t handle the darkness combined with a too large room, it reminded him too much of home. Of the cellar under the kitchen.

So he kept playing random videos and staring up at the ceiling.

The few times he actually left the room, he tiptoed around the house, instinctively walking close to walls and furniture to prevent the floorboards from creaking. Sometimes he slept in James’ room, but he refused to talk about what happened.

Sirius didn’t understand why he was so depressed. Well, no, he did understand, but he couldn’t make sense of it. His parents had treated him like shit since he could walk, but this hurt more. The fact that they were so revolted by him that they literally threw him out hurt more than any insult or hit or kick. Because they were his parents. They were supposed to live him unconditionally. But they didn’t.

-

“C’mon Pads, you can’t hide in here forever,” James was standing in the doorway. “D’you wanna join me and Lily? We’re going to the shopping centre,”

“No,” Sirius replied without looking away from a peculiar stain on the ceiling. James heaved out an impressive sigh.

“You’ve got to go outside, mate,” James stepped inside the room and flopped down on the bed. He pulled a face. “Jesus Christ it smells like teenage boy in here,”

“You sound like your mum, you know that right?” Sirius put his arm over his eyes.

“Let’s go to the shopping centre,” James’ voice was gentler now. “I’ll even buy you a pack of fags,”

Sirius flinched at the word and removed his arm. “Fine,”

He sat up with a wince. The bruises had started to fade a little but the swelling around his eye was still more than prominent and he couldn’t wear his stupid contacts, which meant he had to wear his stupid, now crooked, glasses.

James grinned and sat up, “Take a shower, will you?”

 

Lily shot Sirius the most pitying smile in history as soon as she laid eyes on him. He was wearing James’ clothes, which were way too big on him, he had dark bags under his eyes (excluding the impressive black eye, of course) and his hair hung over his face like a curtain in an attempt to cover the bruises and his glasses.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Sirius grumbled and lit a cigarette.

“Like what?” Lily asked.

“Like I’m going to crack if you touch me,” he took a pull from his cigarette.

“Well I’m sorry for being worried about my friend who just got kicked out,” Lily grabbed James’ hand. Sirius took a sharp breath and stared down at the ground as they walked.

The shopping centre was full of people, kids yelling and stressed out birthday shoppers, parents who decided to get their kids their school uniforms in July. Sirius felt slightly overwhelmed and trailed after Lily and James like a lost puppy as they looked at clothes and books to buy. He considered buying a set of glow in the dark stars to set up in the ceiling above his bed, and maybe a poster or two, but he didn’t know if he was allowed. So he just trailed after as Lily bought a new skirt, never speaking up.

It almost felt as though he was out shopping with his parents, keeping to himself and only speaking when necessary. He reminded himself that this was James, he didn’t have to be scared that he would get slapped or locked up in the cellar.

He took a deep breath, “Hey, do you think we could buy some posters or something for my room?” he cracked his knuckles on his left hand against his thigh. “And uh… Some glow in the dark stars…”

He half expected them to laugh, but James just clapped him on the shoulder with a small smile and led them to an appropriate store. They didn’t ask why he wanted something as childish as glowing stickers, they just went with it.

“I met this bloke at the parade,” Sirius said as he looked through some posters. “I got his number,”

“You got a number three days ago and you’re just telling us now?” James asked. Sirius looked up from the posters, and James actually looked mildly offended.

“Yes, I’ve been too busy wallowing in self pity and pain,”

Lily snorted, “Good for you, mate. Is he nice?”

Sirius picked out a poster of the Joker, “He’s hot. Tall, curly hair, really, really nice hands,” he got a dreamy look on his face as he thought of Remus at the parade with his piercing and glittery hair. James laughed.

“You are such a twink,” he shook his head and snatched the poster out of Sirius’ hand.

“Oi! I am not a twink!”

“No?” James smirked. Lily laughed and threw a bag with glow in the dark stars at Sirius, presumably wanting him to put it in their basket. He flinched and jumped out of the way. His heart started beating hard and fast, as if it tried to jump out of his chest and his ears started ringing. He couldn’t breathe, he just stared blankly in front of him. It was just a bag, it wasn’t a plate or a coffee cup. Just a bag.

“Pads?” he could hear Lily’s voice echo faintly in the background, feel her hand on his shoulder. “Padfoot, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think,”

He drew a shuddering breath and suddenly felt like crying. He swallowed hard.

“Do you want to outside? James can pay for your stuff,” she sent a meaningful look at James who nodded. Sirius took another shuddering breath.

“Yeah,” he said, slightly too late.

Lily lead Sirius outside and handed him a cigarette which he lit with shaking hand. They sat down on a bench, Sirius still staring blankly ahead.

“I’m so sorry,” Lily whispered again and wrapped her arm around Sirius’ waist. “I didn’t think,”

“Better than a plate, eh?” Sirius tried to joke, but his words sounded distant and hoarse to his own ears. He took a long pull from his cigarette. Lily completely ignored his comment and lit a cigarette of her own. Sirius’ hands were still shaking and it was still hard to breathe.

“Tell me about this guy from the parade,” Lily said around her cigarette. “Have you been texting with him?”

Sirius nodded, “His name’s Remus, we haven’t been texting that much,” he tapped some ash off his cigarette. His heartbeat was calming down, and so was he. “Just back and forth,”

Lily nodded. “Are you gonna meet him?”

“Yeah,” Sirius took a deep breath. “Yeah, we’re going on a coffee date as soon as I can stick my contacts in,”

Lily gave a faint laugh and took a pull from her cigarette.

“I don’t understand why you’re so reluctant to wearing your glasses, you’re cute with them,” Sirius shoved her shoulder, finally back to reality again.

“I’m not cute, nor am I a twink,” Sirius huffed. “What’s up with these false accusations today?”

-

James stood in Sirius’ bed, red faced and panting. He was trying to stick the stars to the ceiling, but it didn’t seem to go very well. Sirius was sticking his poster to the wall and Lily was sitting on the floor, laughing at James’ struggle.

“You seem to be struggling a bit there, babe,” Lily grinned.

“Yeah? I’m standing on my fucking tiptoes in a bed, trying to reach the fucking ceiling,” James snapped. “I’m a football player, not a goddamn ballet dancer,”

“You’re the tallest,” Sirius said and plopped down next to Lily with a groan. “Live with it,”

James sat down once the stars were stuck above the bed, still panting heavily.

“I think I strained a fucking muscle,” he muttered and rubbed his shoulders.

“Aww, he’s like an old grumpy dad,” Sirius almost cooed. Lily let out a loud laugh.

“Does the old man need a cuppa and some porridge?” Lily mimicked Sirius’ almost cooing tone. James flipped them both off and ran his hand through his hair, causing it to stand up in different directions.

“Fuck off,” he grunted. Sirius laughed, a loud, barking laugh.

“He even sounds like a dad!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Oh my fucking…” James scrubbed his hands over his face. “Tell me about this bloke. Are you gonna date him?”

“I already had this interrogation with Evans,” Sirius said. He wasn’t quite sure if he actually wanted to let James know too much about Remus, because he would no doubt turn into The Worst Mother Hen and only agree to Sirius dating as long as James could be with him at all times. Sirius heaved out a sigh that could almost beat James’.

“I mean I guess?” Sirius bit his thumbnail and spat it out on the floor, completely ignoring the disgust on both Lily’s and James’ faces. “Maybe,”

“First of all, you’re nasty. For someone who was raised by aristocrats, you have surprisingly appalling manners,” James said. “Second of all, not maybe. Just go for it,”

“No, you will mother hen me too much,”

“Probably,” James shrugged. Lily smirked. “Just text him, go on,”

-

**Sirius, (17:56):** Unpopular opinion: The DC villains are better than the heroes

**Remus, (18:00):** mate i agree

**Remus, (18:01):** batman? stupid. superman? why even. aquaman? actually the worst thing ever.

**Remus, (18:02):** the joker? yes. the riddler? y e s. poison ivy? y a s g u r l

**Sirius, (18:03):** I hope that you’re aware of the fact that I said DC villain yet you only listed batman villains

**Remus, (18:03):** those are the only valid ones

**Sirius, (18:04):** I see that I’ve accidentally roped myself into a discussion I was not ready to have

**Remus, (18:11):** sorry m8 im a little high cos tonks just busted out her secret stash of weed and i just

**Remus, (18:11):** have an impulse problem

**Sirius, (18:11):** MOOD

**Remus, (18:19):** i don’t have an impulse problem, i’m actually really level headed. but it’s just,, weed yknow

**Sirius, (18:21):** That’s less of a mood because I have like the worst impulse problem ever but still

**Sirius, (18:21):** Mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you check you my tumblr @confunded-gryffindor :))
> 
> i love getting feedback and reviews <33


	4. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this chapter is not editied because i am so fucking tired and i'm just. no
> 
> ALSO fun fact, i wrote this chapter before i wrote the third one because i am a mess, so if it's repetitive then that's why lmao. 
> 
> thanks to ash, as always. i love you boo. 
> 
> anowho, i hope you enjoy!

Remus and Sirius texted back and forth for a week until they finally decided to meet.

Remus had managed to learn quite a lot about Sirius in just the week they texted, but not really what he wanted to learn. He assumed that Sirius was just building up trust before he started to bear his soul to him.

He learned that Sirius loved Queen (The Show Must Go On was his favourite song). He was gay. If he ever found makeup that matched his pale skin, Sirius swore that he was going to be a drag queen. His favourite colour was red. He’d apparently fallen off his skateboard after the parade and split his eyebrow and broken his wrist (“Thank god it wasn’t my wank arm” he joked).

In return Remus had told him more things about himself. That he was Jewish by habit but didn’t really believe in anything. That he really liked Queen as well but only listened to a few songs. That he didn’t have a favourite colour. That his dad worked all the time so he barely saw him. That his mum was overprotective. He was constantly worried that he was oversharing, but Sirius never said anything.

But now they were finally meeting again — hopefully without Sirius bursting to tears again, because Remus was definitely not good with emotions.

-

Remus was standing outside of the café they’d agreed on meeting at. He hoped he didn’t look too plain or boring, but he didn’t want to go all out on just a coffee date. He was wearing ripped, black jeans and a white hoodie, he’d shoved his hands down his pockets as far as they would go and kept bouncing on his heels.

He had been waiting for fifteen minutes, and just when he considered just going back home, he saw someone walking towards him. He narrowed his eyes, could it be Sirius? The only time he’d seen him was at Pride, and he was wearing a hoodie and sunglasses at the time.

The person walking towards him was wearing the same jeans as Remus, which he thought was pretty funny, as well as a black shirt with a way too large jacket on top. The right sleeve was folded up, showing off a cast over the wrist. He had long, black hair and surgical tape holding his eyebrow together.

It had to be Sirius.

“Hey,” the guy who definitely had to be Sirius said. “Sorry I’m late, my best friend refused to let me leave”

Remus smiled at the slightly familiar French accent. “It’s fine,”

“Shall we?” Sirius gestured towards the door. Remus nodded and the both went inside.

The café was very hipster-y, it had mismatched furniture and tons of potted plants dotted around on the tables and counters and by the windows. It was weirdly homey and the coffee wasn’t too overpriced.

Sirius insisted on paying for their coffee (a caramel latte and a chocolate muffin for Remus and a black coffee and a scone for Sirius). They sat down in the far back, away from the windows.

Sirius had really good posture, Remus noticed. Remus almost felt a little self conscious about how much he was slouching, but he didn’t have much choice considering his height.

Remus studied the cast around Sirius’ right wrist. Someone had drawn and written on it with a black sharpie which had bled through the the fabric that was wrapped around it. There were small drawings of a very accurate deer, a dog and a rat, as well as a few lilies.

“Who drew on your cast?” Remus asked. Sirius blushed.

“I did,” he replied. “Well, not the lilies or all the weird words,”

“It’s really good,” Remus smiled and took a sip from his latte. It was almost too hot, so he could still taste it, but he also burned his tongue off in the process. Sirius grinned at the pained expression on Remus’ face.

“Just so this doesn’t turn into the most awkward date in history,” Sirius said as he broke off a piece of his scone. “Tell me about your coming out story,”

“It’s not that interesting,” Remus shrugged. “I just kinda… Oh, this girl is hot. And so is her boyfriend,” Sirius snorted.

“How old were you when you realized?”

“Like thirteen or something,” Remus took another sip from his still very hot latte, mentally cursing himself for his stupidity. “I told my parents when I was fourteen and it was so anticlimactic. Like my dad just clapped me on the shoulder and my mum kept cutting up carrots and that was it. What about you?”

Sirius bit his lip. “I-... It’s complicated,”

“Tell me something, at least,” Remus frowned. “Like how old were you when you realized that you were gay?”

“I guess I’ve always known,” Sirius said. “But I had a fuck tonne of internalised homophobia until I was fourteen, and then my best mate and his girlfriend were like ‘Hey we’re kinda gay-ish,’ and I just decided that I could be too,”

Remus smiled. “‘Kinda gay-ish’” he repeated.

“Oh yeah,” Sirius laughed. “They’re both LGBTQ but it’s not exactly nice of me to run around and tell people about them,”

“Yeah,” Remus nodded.

 

If he was being completely honest, Remus thought the date was a little awkward. Sirius kept dodging certain topics and they just kept lapsing into awkward silences with even more awkward coffee-drinking.

“I’ve never actually been on a date before,” Sirius admitted after a long stretch of silence.

“No?”

“Nope, I was really, really closeted so I couldn’t,” he shrugged. Remus smiled.

“I went on this movie date once with a girl, she was pretty and nice and liked to read, so we decided that ‘Hey, why not go on a date and watch this movie based on a book we both like?’” Sirius looked at him, seemingly intrigued in the shitstorm that was coming.

“So I picked her up, we bought popcorn and everything and sat in the back to make everything more romantic,” he paused for dramatic effect, taking a deep breath. “And then, we were in the middle of the movie, and she just bends over to this bloke next to her — thankfully not me — and just vomited,”

Sirius looked torn between amusement and disgust. “No way,”

Remus huffed a laugh. “Yes way, we didn’t go on anymore dates after that. She was too embarrassed,”

Sirius let out a loud laugh this time. His (very beautiful) eyes almost glittering.

“My best mate, James, is terrified of vomiting. Like an actual phobia, he cries when he gets nauseous and everything,” Sirius said. “It’s very dramatic,”

“I don’t blame him,” Remus crumpled up his muffin wrapper. “I mean I’m 6”3 and terrified of dogs,”

“I’m really scared of the dark,” Sirius admitted. “I forced James’ mum to set up glow in the dark stars in the ceiling in their guest room for when I stay over,”

“Adorable,” Sirius huffed, a blush creeping up his neck.

“It’s not adorable,” he crossed his arms over his chest. Remus smiled.

“Yes it is,” Remus insisted and Sirius huffed again.

They lapsed into silence again, though less awkward this time. And then Sirius’ phone rang.

“What?” he said when he picked up, clearly annoyed. “No, he’s not a murderer, I’m very much alive…Oh my god you really are a mother hen…Jesus. I’m fine!...Fucking hell, fine. I’ll be home in 20 minutes. Wanker,”

“Who was that?” Remus asked.

“James,” Sirius groaned. “He’s overprotective and wants me to come home before you murder me or something,”

“Where do you live? I could walk you home,” Remus offered. Sirius smiled but shook his head.

“It’s alright, I’ll text you tonight though,”

***

They were playing Mario Kart in James’ bed. James was whining about how Sirius was too far ahead (he was in first place and James was in sixth), and Sirius was trying not to whine about how James had interrupted his date.

“Oh right!” James exclaimed after he’d lost for the fifth time. He’d turned off the WII with the biggest pout Sirius had ever seen, and he laughed so hard he fell into a coughing fit and had to take a painkiller for his ribs.

“Mum said that we’re going shopping tomorrow,” James switched on his PlayStation instead, throwing one of the controllers at Sirius. “You can’t keep wearing the same three sets of clothes and my underwear,”

Sirius nodded, then glared at James.

“Are we really playing Minecraft?”

“Yes,” James grinned.

“Nope. No way, I’m helping Effie with dinner,” Sirius threw his controller back at James and left the room.

 

Sirius loved the kitchen in the Potter’s house. The one back at Grimmauld Place was filled with padlocks on the cabinets so Sirius and Regulus couldn’t steal food in the middle of the night, it was dark and grimy and a place where you could practically hear the arguments yelled in french, despite it being empty.

The Potter’s kitchen, however, was bright and smelled strongly of different spices, teas and coffee. It wasn’t a place of nightmares, but of sweet dreams and smiles.

Euphemia didn’t say anything as Sirius grabbed an onion and tried his best to chop it up. She just slowly directed his hands with a small smile, helping him to cut even pieces, bent his fingers just so, “So you don’t chop your fingertips off,”.

It was a little strange, not having to tiptoe around the house, not having to walk close to heavy furniture to prevent the floorboards from creaking. Sirius was half expecting to get kicked out flat on his arse every time the stairs creaked when he went for a glass of water and a painkiller in the middle of the night. But it never happened. If Fleamont or Euphemia happened to be awake they would just smile, sometimes they talked a little, but never a backhanded slap, never a “get back to your room,”. It was nice, not having to be on edge all day.

“I heard that you went on a date earlier,” Euphemia said with a smug smile as she stirred a pot on the stove. Sirius flushed, his pale skin turning stark red.

“I-... Uh… Yeah, yeah,” Sirius muttered. “It was uh… This bloke from the pride parade,” He coughed awkwardly and Euphemia laughed, almost giggled.

“No need to be so scared, dear,” she smiled. “Is he cute?”

Sirius turned, if possible, even more red and coughed yet again. He turned his attention to a carrot and started to peel it, rather vigorously.

“I mean I guess?” he threw the carrot aside and picked up another one. “I don’t… I don’t know how to talk about these things,”

Euphemia laughed again. “It’s alright love, I’m just teasing,”

Sirius gave a faint laugh and thought back to the date.

It almost scared him how easily it was to talk to Remus, because he couldn’t know about what had actually happened when he “fell off his skateboard”. He didn’t _want_ Remus to know about how Sirius flinched when someone raised their voice, or their hands. He didn’t want Remus to know why he was actually scared of the dark. But at the same time he wanted him to know everything, in the same way that he wanted to know everything about Remus. And it scared him.

“I don’t know if James told you, Sirius dear, but I thought we could go shopping tomorrow,” Euphemia said, pulling Sirius out of his thoughts. “I heard that your last trip was cut short,”

“I haven’t got any money, though,” Sirius frowned. “I can’t expect you to just buy me everything,”

“Nonsense! We have more than enough money. A few sets of clothes is nothing,” Sirius smiled.

“Thank you,”

-

**Sirius, (19:47):** I got home safely and I am now fed and showered

**Remus, (19:53):** good to know mate

**Remus, (19:53):** also i’m glad you’re safe. personally i’m enjoying a nice ham sandwich whilst tonks and fleur are snogging next to me

**Sirius, (19:54):** Oh wow we stan being the third wheel

**Remus, (19:54):** indeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another fun fact: i decided to give james emetophobia (phobia of vomiting) because it's something i struggle with myself so why not just throw that in there amirite
> 
> reviews are love!!


	5. The Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sO 1: i've had a good ol' writers block and literally just could not write anything for this for like two weeks so,, i'm sorry  
> 2: ash couldn't read this through as usual because she's on a vacation and wasn't online on tumblr when i wanted to post this, so withrewings/aly/my child read this instead, so huge thanks to her!!  
> 3: tonks and sirius aren't related in this if you didn't figure that out yourself, AND tonks is biracial now because i just imagine her with a frizzy pink afro so yeah  
> 4: this chapter is a little short but the next chapter is gonna be a follow up so do not fret
> 
> okay that was all, ENJOY

“I’m staying over at Lily’s tonight,” James declared. Sirius looked up from his laptop, frowning. “Don’t give me that look, dickhead. I haven’t spent time alone with Lily for like two weeks and I just really need a good shag,”

Sirius snorted and looked down at his laptop again. “What should I do then?”

It sounded pathetic, really, but Sirius didn’t really have anyone to hang out with outside of James, Lily and Peter. There was Remus, of course, but Sirius wasn’t going to force him to spend a weekend with each other just because Sirius had some teeny tiny abandonment issues.

“Mate, we’re not grown together at the hip-,” Sirius cut him off with a Look over his tortoiseshell glasses, because everyone knew that that wasn’t true. James sighed, “What I meant to say is that you used to have a life outside of us four,”

“Yes, but that was before I got kicked out and could go outside without being terrified of seeing my parents,” James groaned.

“I’m sorry mate but please, I need to be alone with Lily!”

“I never said that you couldn’t! I’m just saying that it’ll be awkward to stay here without you,” Sirius said and chewed at a stray strand of hair that had escaped his ponytail. “Shag your girlfriend, eat some takeaway, whatever. I’ll just spend some quality time with Effie,”

“Thank you,” James said and patted Sirius’ shoulder awkwardly. He stood up and left the room, and Sirius flopped down on his bed.

Spending time with Effie didn’t sound that bad, but he would rather spend time with someone his own age. Sighing, he picked up his phone.

 

 **Sirius, (17:58):** James just abandoned me for a shag, do you want to hang out?

 **Remus, (18:00):** sure, i’m with tonks tho and we’re a package deal butshfhhjmkb

 **Remus, (18:01):** HI IT’S TONKS PLEASE HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH US REMUS TALKS ABOUT YOU NON STOP AND I NEED TO MEET THIS MYSTERY CRUSH OF HIS

 **Remus, (18:01):** fuck i’m sorry she literally just grabbed the phone out of my hand

 **Sirius, (18:02):** You talk about me? I’m flattered, Remus

 **Remus, (18:02):** we’re never speaking of that again. tonks’ house is bigger than mine, we’ll just talk to her mum and then i’ll text you the address okay great see you later

 

Sirius laughed at his phone, and a blush crept up his neck that he pointedly ignored. He chewed his lip, mainly thinking about how he was going to get through a sleepover without revealing the fact that he wore ugly glasses. It was a very Sirius Black thing to think about, he supposed, to be this insecure about his fucking eyesight. He groaned and picked his phone up again.

 

 **Sirius, (18:05):** Okay mate I wear glasses and they are horrific and I hate them, but I’m not gonna sleep with contacts in and risk an eye infection, so you just have to live with me not being my normal, dashing self

 **Remus, (18:06):** i’m sure you’re just as dashing with your glasses on

 

Right, okay then. That settled it. He was having a sleepover with Remus and Tonks.

***

Remus paced back and forth in Tonks’ room. She’d tidied for the first time in who knows how long, so he wasn’t tripping on mountains of clothes.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed. “Why the fuck did you invite him to a fucking sleepover?”

Tonks giggled from her seat at her bed, “It’s going to be fine, Re,”

“What if he sees my disgusting, mangled leg?!” he pulled at his hair.

“It’s… It’s not that bad,” Tonks lied. Remus glared at her.

“Oh yeah? Didn’t you gag when you first saw it?”

“I was ten! The scars have faded a little since then, haven’t they?”

“Barely,” Remus grumbled. Tonks sighed and tried to tug her afro into two buns at the top of her head, but gave up after two tries.

“Why don’t you just sleep with joggers on?” she asked. Remus stopped pacing.

“I’m a human furnace,” Remus retorted. Tonks sighed and slapped her hands down on her thighs.

“You know what, this sounds like you-problem,” she stood up. “I’m gonna ask my mum to go to the shops for us. Anything you want?”

“Chocolate,” Remus replied automatically, Tonks let out a bark of laughter and mumbled something that sounded a lot like _“I don’t even know why I asked”_ as she left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Remus started to pace around the room again, he ran his hands through his hair and scratched his scalp, hard. Why the _fuck_ did Tonks invite Sirius? They’d only met twice and now they were having a goddamn sleepover. Who does that? _Oh hi attractive guy that I’ve met twice and may or may not have a crush on, would you like to have a sleepover with me and my best friend?_ It was completely illogical and rash and stupid and — The doorbell rang.

 _Shite fucking fuck._ Remus jumped and immediately started to smooth his hair down. He let out a not so silent string of curses in welsh as he sat down on the bed, trying to look natural (and failing miserably).

In the span of sixty seconds, Remus bit his nails, messed up his hair and then smoothed it down again, clasped his hands together to stop them from shaking, unclasped them and started bouncing his leg instead. He hadn’t been this nervous before their date, though he supposed it was because they were in a public area and Sirius wouldn’t see him fucking sleep.

The bedroom door swung open, revealing a way too excited looking Tonks and a slightly uncomfortable looking Sirius, who just happened to be very attractive in his glasses. He was wearing a t-shirt and ripped jeans, and somehow he had managed to make a cast look fashionable. He had a slightly battered, black backpack slung over his shoulder. Remus thought he was going to explode.

“So mum went to the store to buy your precious chocolate and some crisps for Sirius,” Tonks grinned and flopped down next to Remus. “He has really good taste by the way, we’re keeping him,”

Sirius blushed. “Sour cream and onion are the best ones, it’s just common sense,” he shrugged. Oh my god that accent.

Tonks waved her hand, gesturing for Sirius to actually step inside the room.

“Come in, mate! Sit down, make yourself at home,”

“Yes, it’s much easier now when you aren’t tripping over her entire wardrobe,” Remus hummed. Tonks slapped his arm.

“Don’t reveal my nasty habits, you crusty cumstain,” she hissed. Sirius laughed and dropped his backpack on the floor, then sat down next to it.

“Right!” Tonks exclaimed. “Er… We have a balcony and an ashtray if you smoke, my parents don’t really care about that as long as it’s happening outside and I’m not smoking. I’ve got a bathroom right there-“ she pointed at her bathroom door.- “I’ve got a wii and a PS4 but Remus is shit at everything except for Super Smash Bros, and I have Cards Against Humanity — Remus is fantastic at that but it’s better to play with more people,”

Sirius nodded along as she talked, smiling softly, and Remus couldn’t help but to stare.

Sirius’ bruises had faded almost completely, the surgical tape that held his eyebrow together had been removed, revealing a small scab. He had a bunch of hair ties around his left wrist, and the cast on his right was covered in more drawings than the last time they’d seen each other. Remus tuned out what Tonks was rambling about and just stared, wondering what it would be like to run his hands through Sirius’ wavy hair, what his lips would feel like, what —

“Re!” Tonks pinched his arm. Remus reluctantly pulled his eyes off Sirius to look at her. “Are you done mooning or do you need me to leave you guys alone?”

“I wasn’t _mooning_ ,” Remus protested, but a furious blush gave him away.

“Uh-huh, sure you wasn’t, tough guy,” Tonks grinned. “I’m gonna see if mum has gotten back yet,”

She left the room, slamming the door behind her again, but this time she didn’t leave Remus to panic alone. No, he was left to panic in front of Sirius.

“Soo…” Sirius said awkwardly. “She talks quite a lot,”

Remus laughed and nodded, “Once she starts she never stops, it’s pretty impressive,”

Sirius nodded, a grin spreading across his face. “You were staring at me,”

“No, I- I was-,”

“Ah but I’m flattered, Remus,” Sirius interrupted his spluttering protests and flipped his hair nonchalantly. Remus stared at his legs, still blushing furiously. Somehow, some-fucking-how, Sirius managed to be attractive when he was crying on the street and when he was sitting in Tonks’ bedroom, brimming with confidence.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked. “Because I can leave if you want me to,”

Remus looked up and shook his head, frowning slightly, “No, no. You’re just… Really fucking attractive in your glasses,”

Sirius let out a laugh that sounded a lot like Tonks’ and shook his head.

Remus was about to launch into a long rambling about how _Yes mate, you look fantastic in those black and purple glasses, believe me_ , but Tonks rudely interrupted by bursting into the room, holding a very full Tesco bag.

“Are you lovebirds alright?” she grinned. Remus almost facepalmed. Almost.

“We’re fine, thank you very much,” he said instead.

“How much snacks did your mum get?” Sirius asked. Tonks dropped the bag on the bed and began to unpack it.

“I asked her to get chocolate and crisps, and she took that as an invitation to buy like… everything in the store, so now we have no less than three different types of chocolate, two bags of crisps and two bottles of Pepsi,” she explained and tossed a chocolate bar at Remus, who failed to catch it.

“She’s like Effie then,” Sirius said.

“Who?” Remus asked.

“James’ mum. If you say “I’m hungry” within earshot of her she will either cook something or run to the store so she can cook,” Remus laughed and handed a piece of chocolate to him. Sirius shook his head. “I’m vegan,”

“You wanted sour cream and onion crisps,”

“I can make exceptions,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it!
> 
> reveiws and feedback are love, as usual!! <3 i suck at replying but i always read the comments and they make my day


	6. The Phonecall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: panic attacks, not too graphic but read with care
> 
> this chapter is a little shorter than usual but,, whatever. i have finally planned out what's going to happen and such and i think it'll be about 5-6 more chapters. i don't love this chapter but ehh
> 
> thank you to ash a usual! i don't know what i would do without her. AND thanks to moonllotus and withrewings for letting me rant to them.

“I think that if you can make exceptions for crisps, you can make exceptions for chocolate,” Remus said. Sirius shook his head.

“I make exceptions for crisps, McDonald’s soft serve if the machine is working and sometimes, _sometimes_ , if I’m feeling very feisty; fish and chips,” Sirius shoved a crisp into his mouth. Tonks laughed.

“That doesn’t sound very vegan to me,” she said, Sirius shrugged.

“Hit me up when you find a vegan substitute for fish and I’ll go full vegan, I swear,” Tonks just laughed again. “What about you? Any guilty pleasure foods?”

“Chocolate,” Remus said, Tonks shook her head.

“That’s not a guilty pleasure, that’s just pure pleasure,” she countered. “It’s almost sexual. I swear I’ve heard him moan numerous times after biting into a chocolate bar,”

Remus blushed and flicker her ear, “You are not allowed to say anything!” he exclaimed. “I’ve seen you eating whipped cream straight out of those disgusting cans!” he turned to Sirius. “I walked into the kitchen for a glass of water one night, and she was standing there, spraying that disgusting stuff straight into her mouth,”

“I did not!” Tonks looked scandalised.

“Yes you did! The look on her face was priceless!” he laughed. “Her mouth was open because she had so much whipped cream in it, and she looked like I just walked in on her wanking or something,”

“Stop,” Tonks punched Remus’ arm. “Revealing,” Punch. “My,” Punch. “Nasty,” Punch. “Habits,” She started pummelling punches. “You absolute dickhead,”

Both Sirius and Remus doubled over with laughter. Tonks grumbled and moved away from Remus. She seated herself in the far corner of the bed and crossed her arms, “You’re both dickheads,”

“Tell me something I didn’t know,” Remus wheezed.

It felt natural to hang out with Tonks and Remus, Sirius thought. Like hanging out with James and Lily but with less third wheeling. It still scared him how natural it all felt, but perhaps it wouldn’t be that bad to tell Remus about what had actually happened after Pride.

Or maybe it would and Remus wouldn’t want to be with someone with such a fucked up past as Sirius had.

He shoved a few crisps in his mouth and looked at Tonks, who still sat grumbling in the corner of the bed, then turned to Remus, who was still smiling a slightly crooked smile and breathing heavily from their laughter. He was beautiful, with his face slightly flushed and his curls flopping over his forehead, almost covering his beautiful eyes that were staring right back at him.

“Oh my god!” Tonks exclaimed, now smiling again. Both Sirius and Remus looked away from each other, blushing. “You’re both mooning!”

“No,” they said at the same time, and Sirius blushed even furiously. Tonks laughed.

“Whatever dickheads. Let’s go downstairs, I want to beat your arses at Mario Kart,”

They went downstairs (Tonks stumbled down more than anything, tripping over her feet), waved at her parents who were sitting in the kitchen, and went into the living room. It was rather spacious, with a large sofa, two armchairs and a coffee table. The telly was large, and all different kinds of consoles were connected to it, just like Tonks had said.

Sirius and Remus sat down in the (very comfortable) sofa as Tonks started the TV and the wii. Sirius crossed his legs, his knee almost touching Remus’ thigh. He blushed a little when Remus shifted a little closer, so that their legs touched completely. Sirius felt his heart beat a little faster at the contact and he bit his lip to hide a smile.

Tonks turned around and tossed the controllers at them. Sirius flinched, his breath caught in his throat, but he swallowed the panic down. _Not now_. He could panic later, like when he got back home or if he locked himself in the bathroom later. Just not now.

With only slightly trembling fingers, he picked the controller up and stared straight at the TV.

Sirius cleared his throat, still trying to swallow down his panic and plastered a grin on his face, “Get ready to lose,”

 

Sirius won. Every single round. Tonks came close second most of the time, and Remus lost. He was cursing wildly the entire time, mixing both english and welsh, and it shouldn’t have been as hot as Sirius thought it was.

“Fuck this,” Remus almost growled and threw his controller down at the coffee table. He got to his feet. “I need a fucking smoke,”

“I’ll come with you,” Sirius said, his panic still lingering, stuck in his throat. Perhaps he could burn it away with a cigarette.

They walked out of the room, and Sirius heard Tonks calling after them, “Right, I’ll just wait here and clean up your mess!”

Remus snorted and shook his head as they made their way back up the stairs, back into Tonks’ room.

Remus fumbled with a cigarette package, then handed one to Sirius.

“You gave me a fuck tonne at the parade,” he smiled just when Sirius was about to protest. “It’s my treat, I suppose,”

“Thanks,” Sirius squeaked, he cleared his throat. “Jesus, sorry. Thanks,” he repeated, sounding normal again, though blushing. Remus chuckled and led Sirius out on the balcony.

They stood in silence. It seemed to be a recurring theme between the two, Sirius noticed, lapsing into awkward silences and blushing. A lot of blushing, really. They should’ve gone to the movies together, that way they wouldn’t have to talk. Just enjoy the movie, and if Sirius stopped being nervous, maybe snog a little.

“So,” Remus said after a while, tapping some ash off his cigarette. “What do you want to now?”

”I have no idea,” Sirius shrugged and took a drag from his cigarette, “We could watch a movie? I swear I won’t vomit on you or Tonks,”

Remus threw his head back and laughed, “Oh god, don’t remind me of that disaster,”

Sirius bit his lip to suppress his laughter and pushed his glasses up his nose, and before he could really stop himself, he blurt out, “Do you want to go to the movies with me someday? I can remind you of that disaster over and over again,”

Remus blushed and nodded, “I’d like that,”

They lapsed back into silence, smiling, blushing, and not as awkward. Sirius had almost forgotten about that lingering panic by the time he went back inside.

***

Euphemia was a rather light sleeper. It was a blessing and a curse, as almost every single disturbance woke her up when she least needed it.

It was now three im the morning, and she’d woken up by a loud motorcycle passing by. She was sitting by the kitchen table, scrolling through Facebook and drinking a large cup of tea, hoping that it would make her tire out again before she had to wake up properly and go to work at her small café.

Euphemia was just about to comment on a post made by Maria Pettigrew when her screen lit up with a picture of 13-year old James and Sirius, sleeping, huddled together in the backseat of Fleamont’s car. It was Sirius calling, his name followed by a few hearts.

Euphemia frowned as he answered, “Hello dear, why aren’t you asleep?”

The reply that came was a shuddering sob, Euphemia’s frown deepened, “Sirius?”

Another sob, “Sirius, Sirius love, breathe,”

“I can’t,” Sirius gasped. “I-I can’t breathe,”

Euphemia felt almost helpless, when they were talking like this on the phone. In person, if Sirius were having nightmares or something of the like, it was so much easier to help. To sit there with him.

“Yes you can,” she said softly. “Come on dear, take a deep breath for me,”

Sirius drew a shallow, shuddering breath, followed by another sob, “Effie I can’t,”

Euphemia took a deep breath of her own, “What happened?”

Sirius didn't reply, he just drew rattling breaths and sobbed into the phone. Euphemia's heart broke a little.

"Sirius, dear. What happened?" she tried again.

“I don’t know,” Sirius gasped, and Euphemia could almost hear him trembling. “I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep and then suddenly I couldn’t breathe and I-,”

”Schh,” Euphemia hushed him. ”Just try to breathe. Do you want to me to pick you up?”

“No, no,” Sirius took another shuddering breath. “No, I can’t just leave,”

“Alright then. Why don’t you stop by the café tomorrow? You can sit in the back and help me with these new cupcakes I’ve been working on,”

Sirius swallowed hard and hummed, he seemed to be calming down a little, “Yeah. I-I’m sorry I called, by the way I just…”

“Nonsense, dear! It’s alright,” Euphemia took a sip from her, now slightly cold, tea. “Try to go back to sleep, alright? And I’ll see you later,”

“Yeah, thank you,”

“I love you, dear,” Euphemia said softly, “Sleep tight,”

Sirius swallowed hard, “I-... I love you too,”

Euphemia smiled to herself as she hung up the phone. She took another sip from her tea and grimaced, it was now far too cold to drink.

“Very well,” she muttered to herself. She put the cup in the sink and made her way back upstairs.

She laid back down in bed, next to a snoring Fleamont and sighed. She could tell that she wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon.

 

**Sirius, (03:37):** I hope you’re not staying up all morning worrying about me. I’m mostly fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> euphemia is a facebook mum now. but like that good facebook mum who tells her friends to vaccinate their children and praises the fuck out of james at any given moment.
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoyed! and thank you all for keeping up with my sporadic updating lmao, i'm trying


	7. The Scheme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a bitch to write, and if you follow me on tumblr then you've seen the wild ride that was chapter seven of pride.  
> i rewrote it, i accidentally deleted it, i basically cried in a discord chat. it was... it was emotional
> 
> BUt, ash, my lovely wife, helped me pull through and supported every word of it so :-) here i am with a 5 am update
> 
> potential trigger warning: remus smokes weed in this one, but it's VERY dialouge heavy and not focused on the drugs as much as it's focused on the scheme (tm)

“Did you have a fun time with Remus’ crush?” Fleur asked. They were in an abandoned park, Tonks and Fleur sat on a swing set that looked as though it would fall apart if you put too much weight on it, and Remus was sitting on the ground in front of them. The park was rather small, with only a few trees and yellowing patches of grass. It was warm out, yet Remus insisted on wearing a hoodie, despite the fact that he was sweating heavily. He had a small makeup bag in front of him that didn’t contain any makeup at all, but rolling papers and weed. The smell was seeping out of the bag, pungent and foul, but slightly sweet at the same time.

It had been two days. Two days since Sirius and Remus had a fucking sleepover with Tonks, and it had gone surprisingly well. Sirius kicked their arses at Mario Kart, then he leaned on Remus’ shoulder as they watched a movie (!), and things just weren’t as awkward with Tonks around.

“Oh yeah,” Tonks grinned. “They were giving each other heart eyes all the time and Re freaked out over his leg, so forced me to sleep next to him in case Sirius would see,”

Remus looked up from the soon-to-be joint he was rolling to glare at Tonks, “We did not give each other heart eyes, stop being such an overdramatic dick,”

Both Tonks and Fleur snorted, “Your denial makes me believe Tonks’ story more,” Fleur sniggered. Remus huffed and turned his attention back to the joint.

“Stop bullying me or I will smoke this entire thing by myself,” he grumbled.

“Oi! I paid!” Tonks protested. Remus raised his eyebrows and placed the joint between his lips.

“Then stop bullying me,” Remus lit the joint and took a long drag, holding the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds before exhaling, then he passed the joint to Fleur.

“We all know that he will end up smoking the entire thing no matter what, though,” Fleur said as she took a hit. Remus just shrugged.

“Probably,”

 

Remus did end up smoking almost the entire joint, and he was now pleasantly high. The makeup bag was back in Tonks’ backpack, he had a large bottle of water in front of him, and life just felt alright. Tonks had moved from her seat at the swing and was now sitting in Remus’ lap, her hair tickling his chin. Remus’ hand went to her hair, twisting and frizzing it up further.

“Did I tell you guys that Sirius asked me on a movie date?” Remus asked. Tonks whipped around and stared right into his face.

“He asked you on a date and you’re just telling us now?!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, well it didn’t really come up in conversation,” Remus shrugged. Fleur spluttered and flipped her hair from one shoulder to the other.

“Then you make it conversation! You just don’t sit on it for two days and then tell us when we’re high out of our minds!” she exclaimed. Tonks threw her hands up, narrowly missing punching Remus in the face, and pointed at Fleur.

“What she said!”

“First of all,” Remus said. “We’re not high out of our _minds_. Second of all, it was three days,”

Tonks spluttered again, looking between Fleur and Remus with a look that said, _Are you listening to this bullshit?_ Remus sighed and scratched his neck, “Anyways, done is done. I’m going on another date with Sirius and he promised not to vomit on me,”

Both Fleur and Tonks laughed, clearly still enjoying that shit storm of a date that he endured.

Tonks wiped fake tears from the corner of her eyes, “Do you know what movie you’ll see?”

Remus froze. _Shit_ , he had not thought about that, nor did he have any idea about what kind of movies Sirius liked. Or if he even liked movies in the first place. Though Sirius would have to like movies if he asked Remus on a date. Remus swallowed hard, “I’ll ask him later,”

“You was asked three days ago and you still haven’t picked a movie?!” Tonks exclaimed.

“Stop attacking me!” Remus dug through his pockets, looking for his phone. “I’ll ask him now, alright?”

“You fucking better,” Fleur hissed.

 

 **Remus, (15:37):** hey what movie do you want to watch on friday?

 **Sirius, (15:39):** Oh it doesn’t really matter? I don’t even know what movies are out at the moment so

 

“If he says ‘It doesn’t really matter’, does that mean that it’s my pick?” Remus asked, scratching his chin.

“It means that he wants to hang out with you no matter what, you walnut,” Tonks said. Remus blushed.

“Oh,” he stared at his phone and bit his lip. He was too high for this, his head was spinning with both nerves and the weed. “Should I pay, then?”

Both Fleur and Tonks were quiet for a while, sharing looks. Remus frowned, “Hello?”

Tonks silences him by raising her hand slightly, “Shut the fuck up, we’re scheming,”

Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands. They really couldn’t help him without making everything more grand than it actually was, could they?

“Right,” Tonks grinned after two minutes of silent looks. She threw her arm around his neck, pulling him close, and waved her free hand at Fleur, gesturing for her to come sit down with them. Remus could practically hear Fleur roll her eyes as she moved from the swing and sat down next to Tonks, who threw her other arm around her girlfriend’s neck.

“Right,” Tonks repeated. “Our scheme has been… Schemed,”

“How high are you?” Remus asked, rolling his eyes.

“Not important. The important part is that we have a plan,” Tonks said. Remus sighed, but waited for her to continue.

“I would just like to add that I don’t know if we thought about the same thing,” Fleur interrupted. “I was mainly imagining you naked,”

“Oh no, I thought about too,” Tonks grinned. “Not the point though! Remus, my platonic soulmate, your first date with attractive French boy went to shit, right?”

“Not really,” Remus shrugged. “It was awkward as fuck though, and then he just left,”

“Exactly! And I was with you last time, ruining your chance of a good, romantic shag. So, I thought-,”

“Oh no,” Remus breathed.

“Shut it, you untuned guitar,” Tonks flicked his ear. “I thought that you could like… Make a big effort. You pay for the tickets, dress up nicely, you bring flowers, you let him lean on you as you watch a romantic comedy. Then you go to that fancy 50’s themed diner, you know which one I mean, lend him your jacket if he’s cold, and then at the end you snog a little. And suddenly he’s not attractive French boy _crush_ , but attractive French boy _boyfriend_ ,”

It did sound nice. Sappy as hell, but nice nonetheless. Remus felt his heart beat a little faster at the thought of him and Sirius leaning against each other, kissing and holding hands and—

“Re!” Tonks snapped her fingers in front of his face. Remus flinched.

“What?”

“Does it sound like a plan?”

“It sounds gay as hell,” he grinned and dug around in his pocket for his cigarettes. “I like it though,”

Tonks grinned triumphantly and removed her grip around Remus’ and Fleur’s necks as Remus put a cigarette between his lips.

”Text him then!” Tonks exclaimed. Remus lit his cigarette and grabbed his phone.

 

 **Remus, (15:57):** tonks and fleur just planned our date for us lol

 **Sirius, (15:59):** I’m intrigued

 **Remus, (16:00):** youll have to wait til friday ;-)

 **Remus, (16:00):** oh no that wink made it very seductive shit i’m highh i’m sorry

 **Remus, (16:01):** their plan is that i’ll pay for the tickets and then we can have dinner afterwards???

 **Sirius, (16:01):** That was a wild ride but yes, it sounds good

 **Sirius, (16:01):** I can’t wait :)

 

Remus grinned down at his phone, his heart beating fast in his chest.

“You know what?” Tonks stole Remus’ cigarette from between his fingers, she took a pull. “It’s interesting how you manage to be mooning at your _phone_ ,”

Remus snatched the cigarette out of her hand, “I’m not mooning,”

“Yes you are!” Tonks leaned against Fleur’s shoulder. “We should start calling you Moony, honestly,”

Remus huffed out a cloud of smoke and shook his head, still smiling about the plan, his heart still beating fast and his head still spinning. He couldn’t wait until riday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU LIKE IT i kinda did
> 
> my tumblr is [ confunded-gryffindor ](https://confunded-gryffindor.tumblr.com/) as usual :-))


	8. The Movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took forever lmao, here's 3000 words to make up for my abscense!
> 
> half of this was written whilst i had a fever so if something doesn't make any sense then that's why. but i'm feeling better!
> 
> the biggest thank you to ash, as usual, this wouldn't exist without her. but the tears this chapter might cause are entirely my fault. sorry

Remus paced his room, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He was a goddamn mess. He hadn’t buttoned his dark blue dress shirt fully, or correctly for that matter. He only had one sock on and his only slightly good looking trousers were too short, and he was meeting Sirius in less than an hour.

Tonks was lounging on his bed, watching him with a mixture between amusement and concern. Next to her lay a bouquet of white lilies that he was going to give to Sirius.

Tonks had insisted that he chose lilies, and not the usual red roses that you would usually give someone on a date. _“Red roses would imply that you want to sleep with him, or like that it’s gonna happen. The lilies would just be a nice gesture that means ‘I really fucking like you’,”_ Tonks had said.

_“Lilies are given to people on funerals, Tonks,”_ Remus had replied. _“They literally mean something like ‘Innocence after death’,”_

“What if I mess this entire thing up?” Remus groaned and tugged sharply at his hair. “Why did I listen to your advice when I was fucking high? And why am I in these stupid trousers?! We’re literally going to be in a dark cinema for two hours!”

He popped the button open and jumped out of the trousers, then picked up his usual, black ripped jeans that actually fit his giant yet skinny frame. He pulled them on a little too forcefully, accidentally scratching his hips in the process.

“Moony, calm down,” Tonks said.

“Don’t call me Moony! It’s a stupid nickname!” Remus snapped as he searched for the other sock.

“ _Remus_ , then,” Tonks sighed. “It’s going to be fine. There’s not a lot of room to mess up, and if something goes wrong then there’s always time to fix it!”

Remus jumped around his small room as he yanked the sock on. He accidentally bumped his hip painfully against his desk, sending a pot of pens to the floor.

“Shitting fuck!” he tugged at his hair again. “I need a fucking joint,”

Tonks held in a snort of laughter, “You absolutely do not. You’re going to be sober when you meet attractive French boy,”

“A cig, then,” Remus grumbled as he roughly put the pens back in the pot and slammed it down onto his desk again. Tonks checked the time on her phone.

“Er, yeah,” she said. “Yeah, you have twenty minutes until your bus leaves so you can probably pop in a stress cig or two,”

Remus whipped up, bumping into the desk again, “Twenty minutes?!”

“Yeah,”

“Shit, I’ll have to leave like now then,” Remus was sweating, breathing a little too fast. He was actually going to die. He was going to miss the bus, then miss the movie in the process, and Sirius would hate him and everything would be ruined, and he would have to move back to Wales even though he loved London and didn’t have any friends in Cardiff and—

“Re, I can see your panic attack building,” Tonks said and rose from her seat at the bed. She handed Remus the bouquet of lilies, “Let’s go outside, you can have a cig and walk to the bus stop together, okay?”

“Okay,” Remus breathed.

“Okay, good,” Tonks gave him a reassuring smile and bumped his shoulder. “It’s going to alright,”

“Yeah,” Remus took a deep breath and fixed the buttons on his shirt. “Yeah, it’ll be fine. It’s gonna be fine,”

“That’s the spirit!” Tonks grinned. “Now let’s get you laid!”

 

Remus’ leg jiggled during the entire bus ride, he fidgeted with his cigarette pack, he pulled out his phone from his pocket every minute, only to put it back two seconds later when he saw that no one had in fact texted him the span of 50 seconds. The bouquet of lilies lay on his lap, bouncing along with his leg.

The bus ride seemed to take forever, yet only thirty seconds at the same time, and suddenly Remus was walking to the cinema with yet another cigarette dangling between his lips.

His hands were shaking and his heart was beating so hard in his chest that he couldn’t even process his surroundings. He walked on autopilot, his hand gripping hard around the bouquet to stop if from shaking, just a little bit.

It wasn’t really the “Oh I’m going on a date with Sirius”-part that made him so nervous, it was just how perfectly planned it was. He had bought the flowers, even though they meant innocence after death, he was wearing a nice fucking dress shirt, he had payed for the tickets to a romantic comedy (despite his deep hatred for them, it would probably help with the mood or something). He had planned and thought so much, and he was so scared that it was going to go to shit.

Remus dropped his cigarette butt on the ground and stomped on it when he arrived at the cinema, but decided to wait outside. He didn’t want to deal with the crowd of people just yet.

 

**Remus, (18:57):** i’m outside the cinema :-)

**Sirius, (18:58):** Okay! I’ll be there in like 2 minutes

**Sirius, (18:58):** I hope I’m not running too late lol

**Remus, (18:59):** oh no you’re fine. i just got here

**Sirius, (19:00):** Great!

 

Remus slipped his phone back into his pocket and bounced on the balls of his feet, looking around for Sirius. He ran his free hand through his hair and prayed to whatever God he didn’t really believe in that his breath was okay.

He looked down at the flowers, suddenly thinking that they were too overkill. They’d only been talking for a few weeks, and only met three times. Was it overkill?

Before Remus had time to even consider to just chuck the bouquet in the bin, he saw Sirius walking up to him. And Jesus Christ, he looked beautiful.

His hair was tied up in a bun, and he was wearing a grey dress shirt and the same jeans as Remus yet again, which Remus still found a little funny. They were practically wearing the same outfit, and Remus couldn’t be more happy about it, because now he wasn’t scared that he was wholly overdressed.

Sirius waved sheepishly and grinned, “Hey,”

Remus swallowed hard, trying to swallow past his heart that seemed to be beating up his throat, “Hi. I uh… I bought you these,” he handed the bouquet to Sirius, who grinned even wider as he grabbed it. “I wanted to give you roses, but Tonks said that it meant sex, or whatever. Uh, lilies mean something with death but I figured—,”

Sirius broke him off by practically flinging himself around Remus, hugging him tightly, “I love them,”

Remus blushed and hugged back. It was a little awkward, and Remus was sure that Sirius was standing on his tiptoes, but he also smelled so good and Remus never wanted to let go.

They stood there for at least thirty seconds before Remus broke away. He grabbed Sirius’ hand, still blushing furiously, and walked into the cinema.

“Do you want something to drink and like popcorn?” Remus asked. “Or those weird sour cream and onion crisps they serve here?”

Sirius laughed, “Popcorn is fine, and I can have a coke,”

After they had gotten their drinks and the huge container of popcorn, they made their way into the movie salon. They were quiet, still holding hands and blushing. Remus led them up the top row, with those double seats that sort of looked like a small sofa. ( _“It’s romantic, Re,”_ Tonks had said.) They sat down in the slightly uncomfortable sofa. Remus put their drinks and popcorn between them, then immediately changed his mind and put it beside him instead, then realized that Sirius wouldn’t be able to eat the popcorn without stretching over Remus every time he wanted a handful. He was going through fucking a crisis.

“Shit,” he said, deadpan. “I don’t- I have no idea where to put the popcorn,”

Sirius laughed, “You can just put it in your lap,”

“Right,” Remus blused yet again. He was fairly certain that he looked like a tomato, he certainly felt like it. “Right, of course,”

Christ, he was a disaster of a human being.

***

The first half of the movie went awkwardly. Not on-screen, but between Sirius and Remus. Sirius was constantly debating in his head whether it was too much to lean against Remus, or if he could actually do it. Remus _had_ bought him flowers (very beautiful flowers, actually), he should be able to lean on him without it being too much. Right?

Sirius held in a sigh, shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth and scooted closer to Remus, and put his head on Remus’ shoulder. And Remus didn’t flinch away, he just wrapped an arm around Sirius, pulling him closer.

Sirius thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest during the remainder of the movie, and he found it incredibly hard to focus on what was going on screen with Remus’ arm around him, but it also felt so fucking great and he never wanted the feeling to end.

And it didn’t. When the movie ended, Remus’ arm didn’t leave Sirius’ side. They walked out, side by side, pressed to each other, blushing and smiling. They’d only eaten about half the popcorn, but Remus threw it away anyway.

“It’s fine,” Remus smiled. (His smile was so beautiful it should’ve been illegal.) “We’re going to that cool diner anyways, and my mum gave me some extra money,”

“I can pay you back, if you’d like,” Sirius offered. “I have more than enough money,”

That was a lie. His parents had blocked his bank account as soon as he was out on the street about a month ago, and all of his money came from Effie and Monty. Remus didn’t need to know that, though. Not yet.

“No, it’s alright,” Remus blushed for what must’ve been the fifteenth time. “You’ll pay for something else some other time,”

Sirius bit his lip, “Alright then,”

They continued to walk in silence, and Sirius found that it wasn’t as awkward anymore. It was rather comfortable actually, with his head resting on Remus’ shoulder and his heart still beating wildly in his chest as they walked towards the diner Remus talked about.

 

The diner was something taken straight out of a movie, like Back To the Future or Riverdale, with black and white tile floors, neon signs, bar stools and tucked away booths. It had a soft, pink glow to it from the neon signs. Sirius smiled.

“Booth?” he asked. Remus nodded and immediately set off to a booth close to a window.

Sirius set the flowers down on the table, next to a sheet menu and sat down opposite of Remus. He was probably smiling like an idiot, and Remus was still blushing. Not that Sirius minded, Remus was beautiful when he blushed.

Remus grabbed the sheet menu and scanned it through quickly before looking up at Sirius, “What do you want?”

“Just a milkshake,” Sirius shrugged. “If they have vegan options, that is,”

Remus nodded and put the menu back down on the table just as a waitress approached their table.

“Good evening,” the waitress smiled at them and pulled out a notepad from her apron pocket. She flipped it open as she said, “What can I get you tonight?”

“Do you have vegan milkshakes here?” Sirius asked, a faint grin stretched upon his face.

“Yes, we do,” the waitress smiled, her notepad still open and waiting for their order.

“Right,” Sirius said. “Then I’ll have one of those, chocolate,”

The waitress scribbled it down, “Anything else?”

 “Oh! Can we get two straws?” Sirius could see Remus’ face turn even redder, and the waitress smiled sweetly as she turned to Remus.

“Do you want anything?”

 “Uh... Just a tray of chips is fine,”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a minute,” the waitress smiled as she turned on her heel and walked away.

“Two straws? That’s rather romantic,” Remus said. Sirius grinned even wider and winked.

“So uh,” Sirius fiddled with a strand of hair that had escaped his bun. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Remus snorted, “Really?”

“Really! I’m out of questions to ask,” Sirius laughed. “Personally, I want to be a drag queen, and I want to read books to children in libraries, decked out in full on drag,”

Remus snorted again, “Shit, that makes my answer boring compared to yours,”

“Doesn’t matter,” Sirius said. “I just have grand plans for myself and my grownup life,”

“Right,” Remus ran a hand through his curls. “I guess I want to be a teacher?”

Sirius smiled, “It’s a nice plan if everything else goes to shit, innit?”

Remus nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but the waitress was back at their table.

“A tray of chips and a chocolate milkshake, two straws,” she smiled and put their order down on the table. “Enjoy,”

Sirius smiled and grabbed the large glass before Remus could.

 

“Watch how fucking fast I can drink this,” Sirius grinned and gulped down two mouthfuls before his brain froze. He screwed his face up and bit his lip, both in pain and from trying to hold in his laughter.

Remus stared at him, dumbfounded, before cracking up with laughter. “You alright there?”

“Yeah,” Sirius laughed. “I’m sorry, it seemed like a great idea in my head. Let’s share it instead,”

Remus laughed and grabbed one of the straws, taking a sip. Sirius smiled and snatched a chip from the tray and dipped it in the milkshake.

“Did you consciously choose plain chips instead of cheesy so I could nick them?” Sirius asked as he popped the chip in his mouth.

“Yes,” Remus admitted. “But I think I regret my decision now,”

“What?” Sirius nicked another chip.

“You dip them,”

“So?”

“So, it’s gross,”

“It’s not!” Sirius exclaimed and grabbed yet another chip, dipping that one in the milkshake as well. “It’s amazing, try it,” He waved the chip in front if Remus’ face. “Try it, try it,”

“Will you stop chanting loudly in the middle of the diner if I do?” Remus asked.

“Definitely,” Sirius grinned. Remus sighed and took a bite from the chip. His lips brushed against Sirius’ fingers. The touch felt electric, almost burning, and it took everything in Sirius to not jerk away or bite his lip. He swallowed hard and watched Remus chew.

“See, not that bad,” Sirius grinned. Remus shrugged.

“It’s not great either,” Sirius huffed and grabbed the glass.

“It’s amazing,” he said and took a long sip. Remus grinned and grabbed the other straw from the milkshake, taking a sip himself.

“It’s a good milkshake though,” he said. Sirius nodded and dipped another chip in it.

“Great for dipping chips in,”

Remus snorted and shook his head, “Do you feel like going out on a smoke once we’re done?”

Sirius nodded.

Their conversation seemed to flow naturally after that, about anything from what house pets are the best, to which chocolate brand is actually superior, back to library drag queens and teachers. Their awkward silences needed to be pushed away by a silly argument about whether chips could be dipped in milkshakes or not, it seemed. Sirius hadn’t smiled this much in weeks.

Once the milkshake was finished and the tray of chips was mostly empty, they headed out.

“Do you want to share one?” Remus asked as he pulled out a battered packet of cigarettes. Sirius’ heart skipped a beat, and he took a deep breath.

“Sure,” he smiled. Remus put a cigarette between his lips and lit it. Sirius’ eyes went to Remus’ lips. He watched how the rose pink lips curved around the cigarette, how the smoke slipped out, dancing around them. It was beautiful. Too beautiful, considering what an awful habit it actually was.

Remus took a few drags before he handed the cigarette to Sirius, who accepted it with a slightly shaking hand.

Sirius took a long drag and gazed up at Remus. He was so beautiful underneath the golden light of the street lights and the soft pink glow from the diner, contrasting from different angles. Sirius thought he looked almost magical.

Sirius brought his hand up to Remus’ face, cupping his jaw. He swallowed hard, “You’re…”

“I’m?” Remus leaned into the touch. They were so close, too close, and Sirius thought his heart was going to beat up his throat.

“You’re so beautiful,” Sirius stepped even closer to him, dropping the cigarette on the ground.

Remus bit his lip and leaned in closer. He was quiet for a few seconds before he whispered, “I may or may not fancy you,”

Sirius blushed. His breath hitched as a smile stretched upon his face, “I think I may or not fancy you too,”

They moved closer to each other, their faces mere inches apart. Sirius’ eyes flickered down to Remus’ lips, then up to his eyes. Close, so close, then out of the corner of his eye he saw a disturbingly familiar sight. A tall woman with a tight bun and way too expensive clothes. She moved closer to them and Sirius jerked away, “We need to leave,”

“What?” Remus frowned. 

“We need to leave, now,”

Remus opened his mouth to argue again, but was quickly interrupted by a high pitched screech, “SIRIUS BLACK,”

Sirius flinched, his ears started ringing.

_Fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waits for you all to yell at me in the comments* i uh... i'm not that sorry. i had to split this chapter in two, okay?
> 
> comments are always appreciated!!!


	9. The Downfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER I DIDN'T MEAN IT I SWEAR  
> i got writer's block right after i posted the chapter and aahhhhh i would've posted faster but eh i'm a bisexual disaster okay leave me alone
> 
> anyways, thank you to ash, who hyped the fuck out of this chapter. i appreciate it my love
> 
> NOW, important shit.  
> potential trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> homophobia, mild physical violence. please read with care.

“SIRIUS BLACK!”

Remus flinched as Sirius jerked away, dropping the cigarette in the process. Remus frowned and watched as a severe looking woman approached them.

She looked like a lot like Sirius, with black hair pulled up into a severe bun, narrow grey eyes, and a thin mouth set in a tight line. She was wearing expensive clothes, all in black and dark shades of green.

Sirius looked absolutely terrified and backed further up as the woman came closer, and eventually he spat something out in French that really shouldn’t have been as hot as it was, considering the circumstances. The woman just stared at Sirius with a look on disgust on her face.

“What do you want?” Sirius said, his voice was shaking and his accent was heavier than usual. The woman sneered and shot something back in French, before staring right at Remus.

“Ah, so this is the reason why you left,” the woman said, eyeing Remus up and down. She had a heavy french accent, and Remus was a little ashamed to admit that he had a hard time understanding her.

“Who the fuck are you?” Remus’ heart was beating fast, but out of fear this time. This wasn’t really happening. Their first, actual good date, wasn’t actually being ruined by this severe looking woman.

The woman turned to Sirius, “Ah, Sirius, haven’t you told your _boyfriend_ about your mother?” she spat out the word _boyfriend_ as if it were something disgusting, something that had been standing in the fridge for too long, something that belonged buried deep in a bin, and Remus could see Sirius physically flinch as his mother turned to him.

 _Mother_. Of course. Of _fucking_ course.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sirius almost whispered. Remus frowned, and for some reason, a pang went through his heart. They weren’t together, he knew that, but it didn’t exactly feel good either. Remus frowned and swallowed hard, trying to ignore the stabbing feeling in his chest.

“I’m ashamed of you Sirius,” his mother inspected her nails for a few moments before glaring up at Sirius again, a look of disgust coating her face. “It’s revolting that you chose to be…” she waved her hand between Sirius and Remus before glaring right at Remus, “But it’s even worse that you chose someone like _him_ ,”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Remus barked at the same time as Sirius said something in French.

Sirius looked as if he were on the verge of tears, and kept shooting out French as he waved his hands. His bouquet was flailing along with the movements of his hands.

Remus could barely breathe, and he just watched as Sirius and his mother practically yelled in French. The thing he had dreaded the entire night actually happened. And he had no idea what he could do to fix it.

Sirius’ mother looked both disgusted and angry at the same time as she sneered at something Sirius said that sounded rather aggressive. He was crying, Remus hadn’t noticed until now, but tears were streaming down his cheeks. His mother took a large step towards Sirius and yanked the bouquet from his grip.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Remus yelled as he swallowed hard again, but both Sirius and his mother ignored him. The woman kept her eyes steady on Sirius as she grabbed the bouquet with both hands. And ripped it to pieces. She dropped the remains on the ground and stomped on them as she continued her yelling match with Sirius.

Sirius let out a sob mixed a yell as he watched the bouquet remains, then looked back at his mother, tears still streaming down his face, “Why do have to ruin everything good I have?! Wasn’t chucking me out on the street enough for you?!”

Remus’ heart stopped, and suddenly everything seemed to click into place. Sirius never opened up because he had been kicked out of his home. He never talked about his family because he didn’t have one, not really. The bruises and the broken wrist must’ve come from his parents. It hurt, that Sirius didn’t trust Remus enough to tell him, but he understood why.

Sirius’ mother stood in silence for a few moments, then took a step towards Sirius, lifted her hand, and slapped Sirius right across the face. The sound of her hand hitting Sirius’ cheek was deafening and seemed to echo around them, and Sirius fell silent. It happened so fast that Remus’ would’ve missed it if he blinked, and the entire world just seemed to freeze.

Remus wanted to yell at her, to grab Sirius and just get the fuck out of there before anything else happened. He wanted to defend Sirius, but he didn’t dare to take a step closer. He didn’t dare open his mouth, so he just turned around, and walked away. His heart shattered in his chest when he heard Sirius let out another sob, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn back. He was scared, he was angry at Sirius’ bitch of a mother, he wished he’d stopped her before this shit happened, he wished he could hug Sirius and never let go.

A tear rolled down his cheek, and he continued walking.

***

Sirius couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t—

“ _Where did your boyfriend go?_ ” Walburga looked far too pleased with herself, almost smiling. Sirius looked around.

Remus was gone.

Sirius’ heart stopped beating. He knew it. He knew that Remus would want nothing to do with him if he knew about Sirius’ family, and now he did. And he’d left.

Sobs wrecked through his entire body, he covered his face with his hands and just stood there, in the soft glow of the diner, willing himself to sink through the ground.

“ _Compose yourself_ ,” Walburga sneered. “ _You’re embarrassing yourself,_ ”

“ _I don’t care!_ ” Sirius looked up at her. “ _I don’t care if I’m embarrassing myself! I don’t care about you, or father, or Regulus! I don’t care! Just leave!_ ”

Walburga’s eyes narrowed impossibly further, “ _You’re no son of mine,_ ”

She spat it with so much venom that Sirius flinched again, then she turned around and began walking away. Her heels clicked against the pavement and Sirius stared after her before more sobs wrecked through his body.

He covered his face again, not wanting people to look at him. He should’ve left, but he was glued to the pavement. It felt like the world was crumbling down around him, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He could faintly hear footsteps approaching him, but he didn’t look up to see who. He just stood there, letting the world crumble.

“Hey, I saw what happened,” a female voice said. “Do you want me to call someone?” she put her hand on Sirius’ shoulder and he jerked away, his hands flying down from his face.

“Don’t. Don’t touch me,” he stared at the person, his vision blurred with tears. It was the waitress from earlier, she was frowning and biting her lip as she carefully lifted her hand off his shoulder. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Do you want me to call someone?” she asked again. “I was about to call the police before the woman just left, do you—“

“No! No,” Sirius was still shaking, he could barely see straight, let alone think. “I’ll just call my… My mum. Don’t call the police,”

“Are you sure?” the waitress asked. Sirius nodded and patted down his pockets, looked for his phone.

“Yeah,” he pulled his phone out and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. He started up the phone, and just stared at it for a few seconds.

“I’ll stay with you then,” the waitress said and gave him a half hearted smile. Sirius sniffled and clicked on Euphemia’s contact, then brought his phone to his ear.

Euphemia picked up after the fourth ring and gave her usual, “Hello, love! How did your date go?”

Sirius grit his teeth as tears started rolling down his cheeks again. To shit, that’s how his date went. He swallowed hard and exhaled shakily, “I- I think I fucked up and he left and-,” he wiped his cheeks again and shook his head. “Can you just pick me up?”

“Of course,” Euphemia said. “Just text me the address and I’ll be there as fast as I can,”

Sirius bit his lip to hold another sob in, “Thank you,”

“It’s no problem dear,” he could hear the jingle of her keys and how she shifted her phone from one hand to the other. “Do you want me to get James? He can stay on the phone with you,”

“He can come with,” Sirius brought his hand up to his hair on reflex before realising that he had it tied up in a bun. “Shit. Uh, I think I can wait though,”

“Alright. I’ll be there as fast as I can, love,”

“Yeah,” Sirius pulled his hair out of the bun and ran his hand through it.

“I love you, dear. Bye,”

“Bye,” Sirius hung up and slid the phone back in his pocket. The waitress smiled at him again and made a move to put her hand on his shoulder again. Sirius jerked away.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the waitress frowned. “It’s a reflex, I guess,”

Sirius swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair again, “You can go inside, I’ll be fine,”

The waitress nodded slowly, “Just come inside if you need to,” she said, then she turned around and went back inside.

Sirius tried to even out his breathing as he waited. His face was beginning to sting a lot more than it should from just a slap, Walburga must’ve worn her many rings.

It didn’t take long for Effie’s green Volkswagen to pull up in front of him (of course she had a green car, Effie loved colours), and Sirius didn’t even wave before he hopped into the backseat.

Both James and Euphemia looked at him before Euphemia began driving again, both were frowning and had the same sad glint in their eyes, they looked so strikingly similar that it was almost laughable.

Euphemia stretched out her hand to pat Sirius’ cheek, but he flinched away.

“Don’t,” he choked out.

“You have a bruise,” James commented. “What happened?”

Sirius fastened his seatbelt to avoid looking at them, “Walburga,”

“What?!” Euphemia exclaimed at the same time as James hissed out a “ _Fuck_ ,”

Sirius shrugged and bit his lip, and diverted his gaze out the window instead.

“Are you kidding?” James tugged at his hair.

“No,” Sirius mumbled. “We ate at the diner — me and Remus — and when we went out she just... appeared, I guess. We yelled a little, she slapped me, and then Remus just left,”

Euphemia began driving, her eyes fixed angrily on the road, “He just left,” she repeated.

Sirius tugged at his hair and nodded, “It’s fine, I just want to go home,”

“It’s not fine,” James said through gritted teeth. Sirius inhaled sharply and squeezed his eyes shut.

“No, Sirius, it’s definitely not,” Euphemia said. Sirius tugged at his hair again, the strain sending sharp jolts of pain through his scalp.

“I know,” he practically whispered. “But I don’t- I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go home,”

Euphemia let out a sigh and looked at Sirius through the rear view mirror, still frowning with that sad glint in her eyes, “Alright,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the italics used after it changes pov are supposed to be in french, i was just, yet again, too lazy to translate
> 
> i-  
> i'm not sure if i'm sorry or not, yell at me in the comments if i should be sorry
> 
> you can also yell at me on tumblr (@confunded-gryffindor) if you think that i should be sorry


	10. The Backyard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW this took forever and after this one there's only one chapter left :-))) 
> 
> i stronlgy dislike this chapter but you know what it's fine. 
> 
> ash is currently in tanzania and couldn't proofread so i sent it to my dear child, [ withrewings ](https://withrewings.tumblr.com/) who read it and loved it so,, here i am

They were back to square one.

Sirius didn’t leave his room, he barely talked to anyone, he barely ate and he didn’t let anyone touch him. He spent most of his time sleeping, curled up on his side, facing the wall. And James was going insane.

He was worried, they all were. But James even more so. He spent most of his time sitting on the floor in Sirius’ room, keeping an eye on Sirius in the weak light of the glow in the dark stars. And that was where James was now, on the floor, texting with Lily as Sirius snored softly.

James was rather pissed off too, not at Sirius or Lily, but at Remus. Remus, who had made Sirius happy and excited to leave the house, Remus, who had been pretty much all Sirius talked about for the past month. Remus, who had left Sirius alone with his abusive mother.

James groaned, because even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he knew that Sirius was miserable without him. It was pretty fucking obvious, actually.

Sirius stirred a little, and James stilled. He held his breath, ready to leap out of the room if Sirius woke up. He let out a breath when Sirius didn’t wake up, and returned to texting with Lily.

 

**James, (13:47):** I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do lils

**James, (13:47):** like I’ve never met remus and I already hate him, but at the same time I know that pads is miserable without him and ughhh idk anymore

**Lily, (13:48):** have you considered,, texting remus,,, and asking what the fuck he was thinking

**Lily, (13:48):** or perhaps,, talking to si,,,, about what he thinks,,,

**James, (13:48):** you sound incredibly condescending when you text like that

**James, (13:49):** and I dunno if you noticed, but all pads says right now is “no” “yes” “dont touch me” and “I’m not hungry”

**James, (13:49):** and it’s scaring the shit out of me because he’s my fucking brother and Im not even allowed to comfort him with a hug

**James, (13:49):** and ??? I cant just invade his privacy and text remus

**Lily, (13:51):** okay yeah no im not letting you deal with this alone. i’m on my way and we’ll figure something out, yeah?

**James, (13:51):** you don’t have to

**Lily, (13:52):** ah but i want to. see you in ten. i love you

 

James ran a hand through his hair and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. He could just borrow Sirius’ phone real quick, grab Remus’ number and text him from his own phone.

He shouldn’t, it would be a complete invasion of Sirius’ privacy, and he would probably lose Sirius’ trust if he did it, but he just wanted to fix it. To see Sirius happy and relaxed.

Sighing, James grabbed Sirius’ phone and opened it with his thumb print, then scrolled through the contacts. James had to bit down a growl when he saw that Remus’ contact had a bunch of hearts next to it. He considered changing it, but decided not to as he copied down the number. Then he put the phone back on the bedside table and left the room.

James ran down the stairs (just because his mum wasn’t home to stop him), then took a seat at the kitchen table.

 

**James, (14:00):** hey, it’s james. you hopefully know who I am. sirius’ best friend?? yah. anyways, I’m rather pissed off at you because you left sirius alone with his abusive fucking mother, and as much as I hate you right now, sirius is fucking miserable without you and he deserves an explanation.

**butthead, (14:01):** fuck shit wow okay, hi. i’ve tried calling and texting sirius like a bunch of times and he never replies. i want to apologise and explain mate, but i don’t think he even reads the messages

**butthead, (14:01):** also i understand if you’re angry or hate me, or if sirius does. i was a fucking dickhead

**James, (14:02):** he doesn’t hate you. or I don’t think he does, considering how in love he seemed to be with you. me, however, I am pissed.

**butthead, (14:02):** yeah

**James, (14:03):** anyways. come by tonight if you want to apologise, I guess. I’ll try to get him out of bed

**butthead, (14:03):** okay. i can do that

 

James glared at his phone before turning it off and slamming it down on the table. He grit his teeth and ran his hands through his hair again, tugging at the ends.

He was worried, he was angry, and he felt guilty. But all he wanted was for Sirius to be okay.

James heard the front door open and then close with a click, but he didn’t move from his seat at the table.

“Oi!” Lily called out. “Where you at?!”

“Kitchen!” James yelled back. He tapped his fingers against the table and bounced his leg, seemingly incapable of sitting still. Lily walked into the kitchen with an overnight bag hanging over her shoulder. She dropped it on the floor, then walked up to James and kissed his hair before sitting down next to him.

“Stress?” Lily asked and grabbed James’ hands to stop him from drumming.

“More like ADHD and anxiety,” James mumbled. He rested his head against Lily’s shoulder and sighed. “I invited Remus over to explain himself,”

“Wh- I thought we were going to plan something together?” Lily frowned. James huffed out a sigh and buried his face further into Lily’s shoulder.

“I hate seeing him like this, Lils,” James said, muffled against her shoulder. “I just want him to be happy,”

Lily pressed another kiss to his hair and hummed, “Me too,”

James lifted his head and looked into Lily’s eyes, almost losing himself the bright green. He felt his heart skip a beat and he smiled. It’s been a year since they’d gotten together and Lily never failed to make him smile.

James pressed his lips against hers, then mumbled, “Wanna cuddle on the couch til Pads wakes up?”

Lily smiled, “Always,”

***

Remus took a deep drag from his cigarette and stared at the house in front of him.

It was large, like incredibly, stupidly large. Almost like a mansion. It was almost overwhelming to look at, and even more overwhelming to think about the fact that Sirius _lived_ in there.

Remus diverted his gaze down to his shoes as he took another drag from his cigarette. He was relieved that James had invited him over, even if he was pissed off at Remus. But that was the only thing he could think about, how relieved he was that he could explain himself to Sirius, even if the explanation was weak.

His was heart beating hard in his chest as Remus stubbed out his cigarette, and began walking towards the front door.

It swung open before he could even knock, and a tall boy with incredibly unruly hair stood in front of Remus. The boy was glaring at him through thick, square glasses, and he huffed out a breath before he started talking.

“I saw you staring at our driveway for like 15 minutes, and I’m just going to assume that you’re Remus,” he said. “I’m James,”

“I- Yeah, I’m Remus,” Remus bit his lip again. “Am I just going to talk to Sirius on your front porch or am I coming inside?”

James stepped aside, and Remus hesitantly took a step into the hallway.

“Sirius just woke up and he’s pissed at me for talking to you, so give him like ten minutes,”

Remus nodded slowly and kicked off his shoes, but kept his jacket on. James nodded curtly and disappeared through a doorway, leaving Remus alone in the hallway.

He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say, or how to explain himself. What he did had been a dick move, but he’d just been so scared, but he felt like it wasn’t enough. He knew that Sirius must’ve been a hundred times more scared than Remus had been, yet Remus was the one who left.

And now he was standing there, in his crush’s best friend’s hallway, sober for the first time in a week, waiting to give an explanation that he didn’t even have planned out.

Remus heard James and Sirius talking, rather loudly, from the kitchen, but he resisted the urge to peek in and see what it was about. He just remained where he was, looking around as he mindlessly cracked his knuckles.

“Hey,” Remus whipped his head around at the sound of Sirius’ voice. Sirius stood in the doorway that James had disappeared through, holding a cup. Sirius looked tired. He was wearing an incredibly oversized hoodie, and worn out joggers. His hair was tangled and hanging loosely, brushing against his shoulders, and he had his glasses shoved onto his face.

Remus’ mouth went dry, and he swallowed hard, “Hey,”

Sirius took a sip from his cup and Remus cracked his knuckles again.

“Look, I- I’m sorry,” Remus said, then instantly decided against having a presumably long talk in the hallway. “Can we talk in your room or something?”

Sirius stilled for a moment, then shook his head, “Let’s go out in the backyard,”

“Right,” Remus nodded. Sirius took a deep breath, then guided Remus through the house.

Remus was too busy trying to keep his heart from racing to actually take in the house and it’s decor when he walked through, and before he’d even had time to process his thoughts, he was sitting on a perfectly mowed lawn a few feet away from Sirius.

“So,” Sirius said.

“So,” Remus repeated, then took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I really am,”

Sirius nodded slowly and dug through his hoodie pocket, then put a cigarette between his lips. “Why did you leave?”

“I was scared,” Remus said. “I know it was shitty of me and I should’ve stayed and helped you, but I was so scared, and I had no idea how to help,”

Sirius lit his cigarette and swallowed hard, “Don’t you think that I was? Scared, I mean,”

“I know you were,” Remus sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I’m sorry,”

Sirius took a drag from his cigarette and stared down at the grass.

“Why didn’t you tell me about her?” Remus asked.

“Same as you. I was scared,” Sirius said. “I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me if you knew,”

Remus frowned and looked over at Sirius, taking in his appearance. The way his hair fell over his shoulders, glowing golden in the setting sun. The way he twisted his cigarette between his fingers. The way his shoulders hunched, the way the smoke tumbled out of his lips.

Sirius took a deep breath, “My parents used to do some crazy fucking shit to me, and I don’t want to get into detail, but you know, they were violent and aggressive and just… Batshit crazy,”

Remus nodded slowly and grabbed a cigarette himself, putting it between his lips.

“Did you walk past the protesters at the pride parade?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah,” Remus took a drag from his cigarette, just waiting for Sirius to continue.

“My parents were there,” Sirius swallowed hard and kept his eyes firmly on the ground. “Yelling their insults and whatever, and I told them that I would stay at home. Instead I went to the parade, and…” Sirius broke off, taking a deep breath from his cigarette.

“And you know, I was there. I stood there, watching the parade, and I saw all these happy people. They were proud and happy, and I knew that I could never have it. I knew that I- I could never walk down that same road, holding hands with my future boyfriend, and be _happy_ ,” Sirius’ voice cracked, and Remus instinctively reached out to touch his knee. Remus half expected that Sirius would flinch away, but he just took a deep breath and continued talking. “And then I saw you and- and I didn’t exactly expect us to get together, but I thought… I thought ‘If i don’t fuck this up, maybe I can have that too,’”

Remus felt like his heart stopped and began beating too fast at the same time, and he scooted a little closer.

“And then you left, and I realized that… I was right, I guess. You didn’t want to be with a fuck-up,” Sirius sniffled.

“Don’t say that,” Remus whispered, scooting even closer. “I- I meant what I said, outside the diner. I do fancy you, my feelings aren’t going to disappear just because I know about your past,”

Sirius took a long pull from his cigarette, then flicked it into a hedge. Remus had scooted even closer, close enough so that their thighs were touching.

“I like you because you’re _you_ ,” Remus said. “Because you’re awkward and somehow confident at the same time, because you text me whenever you see fit, because you rant about Queen every chance you get. Because you’re _you_ and your stupid parents don’t change that,”

He felt out of breath, and he almost regretted the words when Sirius didn’t look up. But he didn’t regret the words because they were true.

Sirius made his heart race as if Remus had been running on a treadmill. Sirius made him blush. Sirius made him happy.

“Fuck,” Sirius choked out, followed by a watery chuckle. He brought his hand up to his face and wiped his cheeks on his hoodie sleeve. “Couldn’t you save the wedding vows until after our first kiss?”

Remus blushed and ducked his head, “I mean, it’s true,”

Sirius looked up, his eyes meeting Remus’.

“I was supposed to angry at you,” Sirius said, but he was smiling. Remus blushed even harder.

“So does that mean you’re not angry anymore?”

Sirius shrugged, then pressed his lips against Remus’.

Remus stilled for a second, then he practically melted into it. His hand went up to Sirius’ head, pulling him closer, and just kissed him. As if he had been drowning and Sirius was the only thing keeping him from sinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo i hoope you likes it mates, leave a comment if you did. i suck at replying but i love reading them


	11. The Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowzers that took a whole ass month didn't it
> 
> anywhoo, here it is. the epilogue. the end. (but not really the end because i have two sequels and a backstory planned, one of which is a collab)
> 
> SO YEAH ANYWAYS huge thank you to ash as usual, for letting me ramble about this chapter. and huge thank you to the wds for insipiring me to finish it. 
> 
> hope you enjoy

“We don’t have to go,” Remus said for the third time. Sirius let out a shaky breath, smoke tumbling out of his lips as he did so. Sirius was nervous, almost shaking, but he was excited too. 

It was his first ever pride parade where he would actually be able to walk  _ in  _ the parade, and not stand on the sidelines. So, the nerves were natural. But it felt good.

Sirius shook his head, causing specks of glitter to rain down from his hair, landing on his shoulders and the front porch of the Potter's house. He looked up at Remus and gave a weak smile.

“I want to,” Sirius put his cigarette between his lips and tightened the rainbow flag that was wrapped around his neck. “I really want to,”

Remus nodded and pulled Sirius close, then pressed his lips against his hair. A few specks of glitter stuck to Remus’ lips, and he spluttered a little. Sirius let out a weak laugh and dropped his cigarette, stomping on it to put it out.

“It’s going to be the height of spitefulness, though,” Sirius said. “To walk past my homophobic parents, holding my boyfriend’s hand,”

Remus laughed and kissed Sirius’ hair again, despite the glitter. Sirius smiled and wrapped his arms around Remus, resting his forehead against his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Are you excited, then?” Remus asked. Sirius loosened his grip around Remus’ waist and took a step back to look up at him.

“Very,” Sirius said. Remus smiled and leaned down to give him a kiss. 

Sirius angled his head and parted his lips a little, and Remus did the same.

“OI!” Sirius and Remus jumped apart at James’ voice. “We’re leaving now, but if you want to stand there and snog the entire parade then that’s fine,”

Lily sniggered and waved her hand, gesturing for Sirius and Remus to hop in the car. 

“You can snog in front if the protesters instead!” she yelled. Sirius laughed and grabbed Remus’ hand. 

“Sounds like a plan,” he said as he dragged Remus towards the car. 

“Sounds like an idiotic plan,” Remus countered, then he let go of Sirius’ hand and took two large steps up to the passenger door. “Dibs on the front seat, I’m the tallest,”

Sirius just shrugged and chose the seat behind Remus. James was driving, so Lily chose the seat behind him. 

“Are Fleur and Tonks getting there by themselves?” Lily asked, fastening her seatbelt. 

“Yeah,” Remus replied. “Fleur finally got her car so they’re testing it out,”

“How thrilling,” James said as he started up the engine and began backing out of the driveway. 

Sirius snaked his hand through the room between the front seat and the wall of the car, then (very clumsily) slapped Remus’ arm. Remus turned around to face Sirius. 

“What?” Sirius made a grabbing motion with his hand. “What?” Remus repeated. 

“Hold my hand,” Sirius said, making the grabbing motion again. Remus snorted and grabbed Sirius’ hand, intertwining their fingers. “Thank you,”

Sirius leaned back and watched the passing buildings out of the window.

The entire city seemed to be decorated in rainbow banners and posters; shop windows, street lights, bus stops. Almost everything was decorated.

Sirius let go of Remus’ hand once they arrived at the car park, and took a large breath before stepping out of the car. 

“You alright?” Remus asked, slamming the car door shut. 

“For the last time, yes,” Sirius said. He grabbed Remus’ hand again and looked over at James and Lily, who were clambering out of the car as well. 

“Ready?” James grinned, slinging his arm over Lily’s shoulders. Both Remus and Lily nodded, and Sirius took a deep breath.

“Let’s go,”   
  


Sirius had been to plenty of pride parades. Ever since he was five years old, he’d stood next to his parents as they yelled insults and bible verses at the people walking past. He stood there, uncomfortable, forced to hold a sign with words he couldn’t even understand. He didn’t like it at all but he never questioned it, he just stood there uncomfortable, wishing he could’ve stayed at James’. 

This time however, he wasn’t standing next to his parents, nor was he standing on the curb, crying. 

No. He was walking in the parade, holding tightly onto Remus’ hand, decked out in rainbows and glitter. 

James and Lily were next to them, and Fleur and Tonks were on their other side.    
They were walking together, singing and yelling, happy, comfortable,  _ proud. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been a wild fucking ride, but it has been (mostly) fun to write, and i'm really glad so many people seemed to enjoy it. but yeah, look out for the sequels! good bye for now


End file.
